Posts Tagged ‘Autism diagnosis’
For Every Autism Mama
For the mama who has just heard the very words that split her heart in half. He has autism. For the woman is lost amid a tidal wave of appointments, and meetings, and therapy sessions—who thinks longingly back to the days of high heels, and boardrooms, and a paycheck. I get it. The mama who longs for a crystal ball to know the unknowable. Will he learn to talk, or read, or drive, or work? Will he graduate, or have a career, or get married? Who will take care of…
Read MoreAcceptance
Yesterday my husband asked me, “have you really accepted the fact that Hank has Autism?” It’s one of those conversations we always find a way to circle back to. Between talking about services, school, behavioral interventions, potty training, aggressions, speech, etc, etc, we always come back to this. “Acceptance” There’s a pause. A comma perhaps,Most likely a big fat question mark? Usually when we ask it to each other, we are really in a sense asking it to ourselves. We are seeking reassurance and validation for our feelings. What we are…
Read MoreThe Spiral Staircase
Questions filled my mind and I was unable to hear what the doctor was saying. I was sitting in her office listening to all she had to say about my three boys. The journey started what seemed like ages ago. I had been fighting to get to this very moment, but I wasn’t expecting this. It all started in 2017 with our youngest son Sawyer. We finally got a Pediatrician to listen to us and hear our concerns. We had no idea where the first referral would lead us. The…
Read MoreGetting Diagnosed with Autism as an Adult
For my entire life, I’ve watched the world through a porthole. Disconnected, alone. Before my son Charlie was even two, he was diagnosed with autism. At that moment, I entered a world I thought I knew nothing about. I didn’t know that it had actually been my life too—for as long as I even had memories. The story began to reveal itself to me during a talk with my mom. She said that Charlie couldn’t be autistic because he and I were the exact same way at that age. Except…
Read MoreWhat’s Your Name?
We walked into our favorite Thai restaurant to pick up our carry-out order when my 7-year-old son James began greeting all of the customers. “Hi,” he said with a huge smile to each person we passed. For the last several months, James, who was diagnosed with autism at two, has developed a love for meeting new people and learning their names. For a while he would just point at people and say, “Who’s that?” So, with our team of ABA therapists, we have been teaching him to introduce himself. I…
Read MoreI Cried
I cried when you were diagnosed. I cried because I thought I did something to cause it. I cried because I wondered if I would ever hear your voice. I cried because I wanted you to live the childhood I imagined for you. I cried because I wanted you to have a typical relationship with your sibling. I cried because I worried that you wouldn’t have the capacity to learn. I cried because I worried that you wouldn’t have the capacity to love or be loved. I cried because you…
Read MoreA Morning in the Life of a Girl with Autism
Most mornings she wakes up around 6am. She enters the playroom and turns on all the lights. She turns them all back off. She turns them all back on. Then she comes to my room. The door is locked with a keypad. She enters 4 numbers. I don’t know which 4 numbers because I’m on the other side of the door. She enters the same 4 numbers again. I know because the pitch of the numbers is the same. And again. Then she knocks. 4 times. Bang, bang, bang, bang.…
Read MoreAutism is a Mirror
You may be surprised to learn that, for me, as the father, the most challenging part of having a child with Autism, was neither the financial strain, the disruption of my family’s social dynamic, nor the isolation. No. It was none of the common challenges we all share as the parents of Autistic children. But, please, allow me to digress. It’s no exaggeration to say that when Finn was born, it was one of the four absolute greatest days of my life. His beautiful face. Those curious eyes. His mothers…
Read MoreWaiting for Next Year…
I took the tree down the minute Christmas was over this year. Usually, I have the tree up from November through to the end of January but this year; I’m so damn relieved it’s over. This entire year I have spent worrying about next year. About sending my non-verbal son to school. I have taken him to pre-kindy at an education support school for the last 3 terms, a 2 hour session once a week which I get to stay with him, to help prepare him for Kindy next year.…
Read MoreOur First Christmas After Diagnosis
I found myself eating some humble pie last night, or maybe grateful pie. That sounds stupid. Things were put into perspective. I was catching up on my Cooper’s Voice reading–something I only do on hard days–and yesterday was a HARD day. Christmas was a disaster! Maddox had stayed up all night, and by the time everyone was awake to open presents, he was just about ready to fall asleep. We tried anyway. Twenty minutes in and we ended up with a 2-3 hour meltdown, then a 5 hour sleep; the…
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