Posts Tagged ‘Accepting Autism’
What If This Is It?
I’ve been really, really off lately. Irritable. Crabby. Most definitely not happy. I’ve even noticed that I am avoiding Cooper a little bit. It started after his birthday party on the 6th. That was a tough one. We changed our whole lives for Cooper. Every single thing is different now. And that’s fine. I have zero regrets. And every month we are told by Cooper’s therapists how amazing he is doing. Thriving they say. Better every single week. Amazing eye contact. Such a sweet boy. So engaged. Just a joy.…
Read MoreWhat if I Haven't Learned Anything Yet….
I found this quote a while back and it has meant a lot to me. I keep coming back to it. It seems so right for my life. There is a post that I haven’t wanted to write for a long time but I have been scared. Scared that I will get judged as Cooper’s mom. As an autism mom. As a person. And that my inbox will get flooded with hate mail. I will be ‘that’ mom that referred to autism as a box full of darnkess. But, I am…
Read MoreThe Age Old Spectrum
I spent last night thinking about the autism spectrum. I went to bed fine but Sawyer woke us up around 11 with the flu. No good. Vomiting and sleep deprived parents is never good. So, as I lay there waiting to sleep I started to think about the spectrum and Cooper. I always picture it as a straight line with high-functioning on one end and low-functioning on the other end. And the inevitable question….where is Cooper on that line. And an even bigger question…does it really matter where he lies…
Read MoreLooking Back
I’ve been down since Cooper’s birthday. So has Jamie. We’ve done a very good job isolating ourselves and Cooper. And when you live in a bubble it’s incredibly easy to block out delays and differences. But the party brought it all out. No hiding. Don’t even get me started on age 4 as a milestone. I know we will bounce back. We always do. It just needs to run its course. So, anyhow I spent the night looking at videos on my iPad. I absolutely love seeing videos of the…
Read MoreI Would Always Choose Cooper
Coopers birthday is on Saturday. He will be 4. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. Even sneaking little peeks at Cooper. Watching closer than usual. Wondering how we got here and marveling in how far we’ve come. And thinking how far we have to go. And most importantly melting at just how wonderful this kid is and secretly wondering if maybe his way of thinking isn’t all that off. For example I am trying to teach Cooper to sign ‘thank you’. The sign is touching your hand to your chin and would be pretty…
Read More2 Month Update
Cooper has been at Fraser for 2 months. That is absolutely crazy to me. When we considered moving 3 hours away, with the main reason being for his care, I secretly thought it would never work. Not the us part but the school part. Traditional therapy has been a nightmare for Cooper. We started with having the school district in our home, then went to traditional speech and OT at the hospital and then tried ECFE and lastly speech at a specialty clinic for kids with language disorders. ALL FAILURES. That sounds…
Read MoreA Conversation with Myself
A couple nights ago Cooper was being a real bear as I was putting him to bed. I read him a story, tucked him in, put up the gate at the door to his room, grabbed the baby monitor, and went downstairs to continue my never-ending packing journey. We were moving in a few days. A new city. New services for Cooper. As I suspected Coops did not want to go to sleep and screamed/yelled at the gate. Normally, I don’t let it bother me. Sleep is not something he…
Read MoreSaying It Out Loud
So for the first time ever I had the words, “I’m sorry…he’s autistic” on the tip of my tongue and couldn’t bring myself to say it. We are getting new carpet in our basement and on Sunday two people from the company came over to show us carpet samples and measure. Jamie went downstairs with the guy and I stayed upstairs with the boys to look at the samples. The woman was showing me the different styles and had them spread out all over the floor. As usual Sawyer was…
Read MoreSuper Cooper
Sometimes I forget that Cooper is just a little boy. And that he is only 3. And so stinking cute. I look at this picture and I see a boy. Not an autistic boy. It’s an invisible thing. I never knew that one word could change my life so much. I am so thankful that I am past the diagnosis part. I almost just typed that I am thankful to be past the unknown part. But that’s not true. Every bit of Cooper’s future is unknown. I believe we are…
Read MoreThe Inability To 'Just Be'
I think a lot about the hardest parts of autism…or Cooper’s autism I guess. There are days when I think the whining is the worst. Or his eating habits. Or the throwing. It can vary and probably has a lot to do with how tired I am or worn down at that moment. Some days I can take on anything. I am a rock. And some days I feel like I can’t take it anymore. There are days where I feel like I won’t survive fighting over another dinner. Cooper will…
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