Tough parenting
What if I Haven't Learned Anything Yet….
I found this quote a while back and it has meant a lot to me. I keep coming back to it. It seems so right for my life. There is a post that I haven’t wanted to write for a long time but I have been scared. Scared that I will get judged as Cooper’s mom. As an autism mom. As a person. And that my inbox will get flooded with hate mail. I will be ‘that’ mom that referred to autism as a box full of darnkess. But, I am…
Read MoreI Would Always Choose Cooper
Coopers birthday is on Saturday. He will be 4. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. Even sneaking little peeks at Cooper. Watching closer than usual. Wondering how we got here and marveling in how far we’ve come. And thinking how far we have to go. And most importantly melting at just how wonderful this kid is and secretly wondering if maybe his way of thinking isn’t all that off. For example I am trying to teach Cooper to sign ‘thank you’. The sign is touching your hand to your chin and would be pretty…
Read MoreMaking Smart Choices
You couldn’t pay me to talk about the Ferguson, Missouri crisis on my blog. I’m a pretty laid back chick ‘in public’ and I don’t like to get too worked up about stuff. Not because I don’t care, but because confrontation makes me want to vomit. I get flustered and I usually (more like always) end up crying. But…it’s a different story in my own home. Jamie and I discuss topics like this quite frequently. I can say that I got so mad over the Trayvon Martin case that I almost…
Read MoreThe Inability To 'Just Be'
I think a lot about the hardest parts of autism…or Cooper’s autism I guess. There are days when I think the whining is the worst. Or his eating habits. Or the throwing. It can vary and probably has a lot to do with how tired I am or worn down at that moment. Some days I can take on anything. I am a rock. And some days I feel like I can’t take it anymore. There are days where I feel like I won’t survive fighting over another dinner. Cooper will…
Read MoreBe a Warrier, Not a Worrier.
I typically avoid all situations where I will get sad about Cooper’s differences. At this stage in the process it’s a must for this mama. This typically includes any events or activities where there will be kids that I know that are Cooper’s age. Quitting ECFE and a local Mommy and Me group were two of the best decisions I ever made. My heart just couldn’t take it. So I was surprised yesterday when I almost broke down at Starbucks. I was at work and at 2 pm I realized that…
Read MoreStressors in the Home
One of the first things I bought Cooper was a pair of sweatpants from the Gap. I bought them on clearance when I was pregnant with him right after I found out I was having a boy. They are actually a 4T. When I found them I fell in love with them instantly and had to buy them. I never, in my life, thought he would be big enough to wear them. Sure as shit, I dug out the bin of 4T clothes this weekend. I just pulled them out of the dryer…
Read MoreAn Unlikely Critic
I got really mad at a little girl this weekend. As I write that sentence I realize that you will probably think I’m crazy. And I even made fun of myself after. But, it is what it is. Cooper and I spent the weekend at the lake. (I have more to write about that later.) It was a great weekend. Lots of sun and beach time. My favorite. As we arrived at the beach on Friday afternoon, Cooper let me know that he wanted to swing. There were two bigger…
Read MoreWe've Lost Control at Home.
When we bring the boys to a store we know that Cooper is a wildcard. And if you saw us you would probably have two thoughts….1. That mom is freaking insane and/or 2. Her kids are so well behaved. Why is she running around like a sweaty lunatic? Funny, right. When I bring Cooper out I know that I will be the one that needs to manage the situation. Jamie always takes Sawyer. I will be armed with multiple kinds of snacks, a drink, a sucker, a phone, etc. If Cooper gets…
Read MoreI Can't Make Cooper Play
If you follow my blog you know that I have SEVERE anxiety over the fact that Cooper won’t play with me. Sounds funny, right? Case and point. We went to a friends cabin over Memorial weekend. Totally laid back with zero expectations. Our friend has 2 little kids so we knew we were in good company. Cooper spent most of the weekend in the back of our Yukon watching movies. It was really hard to watch. The other kids played outside the whole time. They played with squirt guns and…
Read MoreI Thought I Had More Time.
I am spiraling down fast. I’m finally seeing it. The behaviors. The rigidity. And it makes it hard for me to breathe. Jamie was on a fishing trip so I flew solo with the boys this weekend. Cooper was Cooper and than add in dogs and a toddler. It is what it is. The problem is I saw Cooper’s rigidity like never before. I think I can say I watched him unravel before my eyes. It’s bad. And it’s controlling every second of our lives. Every meal was a fight. Every thing was a…
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