Special Needs Parenting
When Do We Give Up?
I gave up yesterday. The details really don’t matter I guess. All that matters is I was pushed to that place where I didn’t recognize myself. I’m fighting with Cooper’s school and for the first time I saw that they are looking at him as a number and not a child. All the horror stories I’ve read about schools and special needs kids happened. I spent hours talking to people that have never met Cooper….nor do they really care about his best interest. Cooper is a special child with special…
Read MoreWhat Autism Looks Like To Me
I had a conversation with a friend this weekend about how everyone’s life looks amazing on Facebook. And how it’s all a load of shit. Nobody’s life is perfect. But nobody takes pictures of the sad moments. Or at least we don’t share them. Why would we. We don’t want the reminders. Or the questions from people about them. Or, pity. I am sitting here looking through the pictures of Coops birthday party. He is overstimulated and extremely stressed out in most of them. I would not call it a…
Read MoreI Would Always Choose Cooper
Coopers birthday is on Saturday. He will be 4. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. Even sneaking little peeks at Cooper. Watching closer than usual. Wondering how we got here and marveling in how far we’ve come. And thinking how far we have to go. And most importantly melting at just how wonderful this kid is and secretly wondering if maybe his way of thinking isn’t all that off. For example I am trying to teach Cooper to sign ‘thank you’. The sign is touching your hand to your chin and would be pretty…
Read MoreA Conversation with Myself
A couple nights ago Cooper was being a real bear as I was putting him to bed. I read him a story, tucked him in, put up the gate at the door to his room, grabbed the baby monitor, and went downstairs to continue my never-ending packing journey. We were moving in a few days. A new city. New services for Cooper. As I suspected Coops did not want to go to sleep and screamed/yelled at the gate. Normally, I don’t let it bother me. Sleep is not something he…
Read MorePretending You Don't Care
I think I am pretty good at pretending I don’t care about things. It comes with the territory I guess. I can’t get sad about every thing that happens. That is no way to live. But holidays and autism will forever devastate me. And the holiday season is right around the corner. I care a whole bunch about Halloween and Christmas and Birthdays. Judge away people. I know someone will want to tell me….”You can’t make Cooper celebrate. You are sad for yourself. You are sad because you are missing…
Read MoreReally Sad Things
This past week Jamie and Sawyer were wrestling on the couch. They were tickling and laughing and I was reading and sorta paying attention. I heard Jamie say something to Sawyer that absolutely took my breath away. Sawyer was babbling about balls and apples and playing ball and going outside. The usual with that kid. And then I hear Jamie say, as he was hugging him, “I can’t wait to take you to baseball games and play ball just like I did with my dad.” It was one of the most…
Read MoreWalking Through The Storm Alone
So there is a big story in the news right now about the mom who tried to kill her autistic daughter. You can read the store HERE. I have been thinking about this nonstop and contemplated writing about it. And then not writing about it. This is a touchy subject that I normally wouldn’t touch but here is what I will say… I have never known loneliness like that of a special needs parent. First, I don’t condone what she did in anyway. Let me say that first. But what…
Read MoreI am Jealous of My Own Son
Life has been crazy lately. And again, in a way, I love it because I don’t dwell on the little things. I ran a half marathon yesterday and I’ll tell you that one thought crossed my mind a dozen times. ‘One more step and maybe Cooper will talk.’ So silly, right? I can’t help it though. It’s the way my mom brain works. I am his voice. I am strong for him. When the running gets tough I always think of him. Like maybe in God’s spare time he is…
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