Guest Post
I Don’t Understand Why
I’ve numbed myself now for quite some time. I went from my daughter getting a diagnosis to my son having autism too. When I realized he was on the spectrum it really hurt because I thought he would be the typical child that would help with his sister and that I would be able to relate to on a level I feared my daughter might not be able to. When he began his aggressive behaviors- this beautiful boy I love- that is when it became too much. The whole process:…
Read MoreLong Term Survival Mode and the People who Live it
Recently I found myself in that that spring cleaning mode—the place where I wanted to purge, and organize, and simplify all the things. But as I took a step back to take inventory of our lives I was quickly overwhelmed by what I found. There were so many things that had been left un-done for so long. As I thought about why, the reality of our life came flooding in around me. It all comes down to survival mode. When you come home from the hospital with a newborn in…
Read MoreNo One Tells You
A first child turning 18 is an exciting time in a parent’s life, right? A time when the child you grew within you reaches the age of legal adulthood. It seems like those 18 years went by in a blink of an eye. A child you raised, guided, and encouraged throughout their childhood actually turned out pretty darn awesome. Your role in their life is different now. The little birdie is getting ready to leave the nest. They are preparing to go out on their own and conquer the world.…
Read MoreAin’t Nobody Got Time for Drama when You’re an Autism Mama
When I received a private message today from a sweet autism mama, my heart sank. She was leaving her support group because of drama between her and some moms in the group who had been her best friends. I knew this decision didn’t come lightly. I knew her eyes were bloodshot from nights wasted worrying about the right thing to do, wondering how this situation got so far out of control, and feeling betrayed by the very people who were her lifelines for so many years in early autism. Her…
Read MoreI’m the Mom without a Bestfriend
I’m the mom without a bestfriend. I’m the mom without a tribe. I’m the mom without a village. I’m the mom who doesn’t get invited to birthdays, baby showers, weddings, mom’s night out. I’m the mom that doesn’t have a person. I’m the mom who spends weeks at a time never seeing another human being besides her kids and husband. I’m the mom that doesn’t get included. I’m the mom that doesn’t have someone to make sure I’m still hanging on. I’m the mom on the outside looking in. I’m…
Read MoreThe Extra Mile Dad
You. What would I do without you? The father of my children who goes the extra mile. We have an extra mile child. He has extra needs. We are learning together. Learning how to best parent our sweet boy. Together. We have our bumpy times walking this extra mile. We may not agree, we may not yet understand, we both are sleep deprived. We keep going. When our son was diagnosed I know how hard it was for you. You were in Afghanistan when I was on the phone telling…
Read MoreNavigating the Autism Maze
When I first learned our sweet, beautiful daughter had autism I felt as if a tsunami had swept me up, taking with it my family’s happiness and peace. I thought from here on, our life would be limited to therapies and hardships. I was frightened and uncertain about our now shaky future. Would our almost three year old daughter ever be able to fully communicate? What type of relationship could she and I have as she grew older? She blends in now, but what sort of behaviors might she develop…
Read MoreNot the Summer I Expected
I am a special ed teacher. I am so fortunate to have my summers off. I look forward to them. After April vacation the countdown begins. I get to spend time with my boys doing all the things they love; going to the beach, swimming, playgrounds, hanging with their cousins and my friends’ children. Only this will not be the case for one of my sons. My 3 year old Dominic will spend a 32 hours a week at his ABA center. He will go to occupational therapy. This hit…
Read MoreI’m Not Scared Anymore
My dear, sweet Harper. Where do I even begin. You were my first born, my first true love. When I found out that I was pregnant, I thought about all of the things that you would do. I wondered what you would be like. Would you be smart like your Daddy, sassy like your Mama? Would you play t-ball, go to dances, have a girlfriend, go to college, get married, have children of your own? I pictured it all. In my head…I could see it. I could see you, out…
Read MoreI Need to Live Forever
Yesterday, while driving in the car, my husband and I had the conversation I have been dreading for years. The conversation that makes my heart hurt and brings tears to my eyes instantly. The conversation about the future. The one that needs to be discussed but breaks my heart to even think about. When I first became a mother to a little boy, I pictured ball games and cleaning muddy feet before they walked into my house. I pictured a future so different than the one we were discussing. Our…
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