Guest Post
What Happens When?
I spent an intense morning with my son Luke at the eye doctor. Honestly, we’ve been frequenting doctor’s offices most days. Yesterday was PT for Ryan my husband, today, eye doctor for Luke, tomorrow and Friday PT for Ryan, Saturday, family doctor for a new wheelchair for Luke… This is life for special needs families. I made this appointment months ago…before Ryan had committed to his new surgery date in Feb…before when the original date was Jan 6 but then Luke was still in PICU and so we rearranged our…
Read MoreBecause, Autism
I must finally admit to myself and the world that I’m tired. Physically and mentally exhausted. For the last 15 years of my 17-year-old son’s life, autism has dictated the mood, comfort, décor (or lack thereof) and decibel level of our home. Severe, non-verbal autism has robbed my son of the ability to communicate effectively or calmly and replaced it with banging, hitting, throwing and aggression. It’s as if my son’s development has frozen in time…demonstrating behaviors matching a two-year-old temper tantrum. No matter the circumstance, he has learned…
Read MoreYour Smile
In my life, over the years, there have been a few things that have taken my breath away. The day I kissed my husband and committed my life to him as his wife…that kiss took my breath away. The night I found out I was going to be a mommy for the first time. The world stopped spinning and for a split second I stopped breathing. My daughter had a febrile seizure on top of me when she was 16 months old and I held my breath while my husband…
Read MoreTo My Husband Who Chose To Stay
To my husband who chose to stay: That sounds so ridiculous to say out loud. Some people are currently scratching their heads because why would I say that? I say it because it’s true. Thank you for loving me when the diagnosis of autism consumed me and changed who I was. I was no longer in my mid-twenties trying to figure out how to be a first time mom. I was an autism mom and services for our son was my only priority. We said good-bye to date nights, weekend…
Read MoreMy Child is More Than a Diagnosis
Autism. Borderline Intellectual Functioning. Anxiety. Complex Medical Profile. Severe Speech Delay. Risk for ADHD. As I sit and read my five year old daughter’s recent neuropsych evaluation, I can’t help but feel helpless when I repeat these words in a continuous loop in my head. My daughter was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2 (rare for a girl) and we have moved the moon and stars to give her what she needs to be successful and most importantly, happy. And she is. She’s come so far. The…
Read MoreI’ll Follow His Lead
“I think we can say with confidence that Leo meets all of the criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder…” I sat on the floor of the room where Leo was being assessed, absorbing the doctor’s words…reaching with confusion for the tissue box she set out before me, only to realize that my cheeks were stained with tears silently streaming down my face. I knew before those words were uttered…before she handed me that piece of paper with his newly minted medical diagnosis… I knew. And yet, despite leaving for our appointment…
Read MoreBecoming the Mom I Silently Judged
There’s a story I’ve been wanting to tell for awhile, but it’s hidden in shame. The shame is a silent one, as most are. We often hide our dark thoughts because shining a light on them would mean shining a light on all the things we silently do or say or think that reminds us that as humans we are flawed. That’s the thing about shame, in our minds it outweighs our goodness. Even when the scales tip in favor of our goodness, the bricks of judgement and self righteousness…
Read MoreThe Side I Don’t Share
This is a mom on the verge. A mom completely out of patience, and it’s nowhere near noon, on Halloween, in a pandemic…so the magic is up to me – a mom who does NOT have the energy needed to make today memorable. I’ll somehow muster little sparks, because I always do, because I have to, because if I don’t, the darkness will swallow me whole. I’m not allowed to say how freaking hard it is to be a mother to an autistic 4 year old. Because it’s up to…
Read MoreAre You Aware?
Autism awareness needs to change. People need to understand what awareness is all about. It’s NOT looking at a kid who has autism and treating them like they’re neurotypical. It’s NOT saying, “oh, I’m sure that’s hard for any kid” when a parent says what they’re struggling with. You seeing my daughter’s autism and ignoring it is NOT awareness and acceptance. Be aware of the differences. Be aware of the struggles. We know you see the meltdowns and the rigid routine. We know you see that she’s not quite like…
Read MoreWhat Does Justice Look Like Here?
As an attorney, I often read about lawsuits wondering what the best outcome for both parties will be. What does justice look like here? I sat through what felt like a decade of law classes learning that not everything is what it seems. Learning to condense information to the most necessary facts and looking at both sides of a case. Now in my legal profession, I sit across my clients, digging deeper, finding out facts about who they are as a person. To highlight their personal struggles to formulate a…
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