Autism Tips by Carrie Cariello
Different, and Equal
Hi. My name is Carrie. We’ve never met, but I read the news report about what happened to you at school, when your paraprofessional used a stapler to attach a note to your hair. She said she wanted to send a reminder home to bring in a water bottle the next day. Right away, I want to tell you I am very, very sorry. Reading your story made my heart squeeze tight. I felt sick inside, to be honest. I pictured you standing in your classroom, waiting for a drink…
Read MoreThe Extraordinary Goodness All Around Us
Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids, and my second son has autism. His name is Jack. Jack is sixteen years old now. Theoretically, he is a junior in high school. Theoretically, he can drive a car. Theoretically, he should be studying for the SAT’s and maybe looking at colleges and trying to decide what the next chapter of his life may hold. There is nothing theoretical about autism though. That’s the thing. Autism is a concrete set of symptoms that, like a set of parentheses around a…
Read MoreMay You Always Know How Much You’ll be Missed
Nearly every day we get a letter, or an email. Some have good news, some carry rejection. Like a version of the infamous Dr. Seuss poem, the messages and envelopes tell a modern-day story of the places you might go. New York, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Massachusetts. Some schools are in small towns, other sprawl amongst tall buildings and busy sidewalks. Some have large, rambling campuses with extravagant dining halls. Others boast state-of-the art technology, or winning sports teams. All of them are far from home. He sees the return addresses, when…
Read MoreThe Tender Things
Mama, what is a family? A family? Well, my child A family is at once The easiest And the hardest Thing to build Think of it as a garden Maybe you expected rows and rows of neat tulips Standing straight and tall in their church pews Eating organic apples and placing the cores neatly in the trash can Instead, you have a field full of wildflowers Colorful, shrieking wildflowers Who eat your leftovers with their fingers And leave gum wrappers all over the house It was not supposed to be…
Read MoreSomeone I’m With has Autism
The other day I took my son Jack to the dermatologist. It was a routine visit, nothing out of the ordinary. I did what I always do when it comes to Jack and his appointments. Over the phone, I explained he has autism, and it might seem like he isn’t listening at first. He takes a while to answer questions. Also, he might jump around a little if he gets restless. On the drive to the office, I took Jack through a quick social story about wearing his mask, sitting in the…
Read MoreWhat Autism Brings Us
Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids, and my second son has autism. His name is Jack. He is sixteen years old. For me, autism brings a trifecta of hope, grief, and peace. Hope is the bundle of rocks I carry everywhere I go. Grief is the small box of feathers I let myself open every once in a while. And peace? Well, that is the long, jagged mountain I climb, clutching my bundle of hope and a box full of feathers. Jack and my firstborn, Joseph, are…
Read MoreThe Lessons He Teaches us
My husband and I work very hard to teach our son Jack practical life lessons. How to make breakfast, change a light bulb, feed the dog, get the mail—stuff like that. This isn’t always easy. It requires a lot of patience, and planning. You see, Jack has autism. He is sixteen. He doesn’t like lessons. He doesn’t quite comprehend things the same way other teenagers do. He needs step-by-step instructions, and a lot of cues. He is easily distracted by loud noises, or the looping track of ideas within his mind—what…
Read MoreWhen it Snows
Research says people with autism often struggle with crushing anxiety, and may have a hard time forging meaningful connections with family, friends, and various social groups. When I read things like this, I see little more than a collection of letters on a page. As hard as I try, I cannot find my son within the sentences. And yet it is true, about the anxiety and the struggle to connect. Most of it, anyway. Or maybe some of it. { 5:46 in the morning } Mom. Mom. Wake up. Jack,…
Read MoreEach Person With ASD Is A Raw Gemstone
I wrote an essay recently about how my 16-year old son Jack got a job, and then a promotion, at local restaurant. This might not seem like a big deal, but Jack has autism. He struggles with regulation, executive functioning, severe anxiety, and communication. In other words, he jumps around a lot, he has little to no working memory, he’s afraid of loud noises, and he can be a little, uh, abrupt. A few days ago, I got an email from a lovely young woman, describing her own journey to…
Read MoreI am a Forever Mother
All five of my kids have really peculiar teeth. Which is kind of ironic, seeing as my husband is a dentist. Missing laterals, crowding, odd bite patterns—we’ve got it all. My son Jack has what is called a class three underbite, which means his lower jaw comes out much further than it should. He’ll probably need to have a lot of teeth pulled. And there is a surgery to correct the whole thing. It is big and long and complicated, with a very difficult recovery. We could never put him…
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