Autism Tips by Carrie Cariello
The Person
I never wanted to be The Person. You know, The Person—the one in a marriage who handles all the kid stuff, like changing the diapers and checking the homework folder and buying shoes. (The Person is also known as the Default Parent, The Micromanager, or the Helicopter Mom.) I did pretty well for the first year I was a mother. Our oldest son Joey was born and, for the most part, my husband Joe and I handled the responsibility of taking care of a new baby fairly equally. I didn’t care how he swaddled him,…
Read MoreWatching the World Through Autism’s Eyes
Hi. My name is Carrie. I am married to a man named Joe, and we have five kids. Our second child, Jack, is diagnosed with autism. He is almost seventeen years old. We spend a lot of time working on open-ended questions with Jack: who, what, where, when, and why. Who is your favorite teacher? What would you like for dinner? Where did you put your glasses? When do you want to leave for the store? Why do you think Billie Eilish is the greatest singer of all time? See, you can’t answer these kinds of questions with…
Read MoreBehold, the Autism Mama
My son Jack has autism. He was born on Mother’s Day, in 2004. Over the past sixteen-almost-seventeen-years, I have had to tell and re-tell his diagnosis so many times, I’ve lost count. By now, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it all when it comes to autism. I’ve heard about the vaccines, and the poor maternal bonding, and the gluten and the horse therapy. One kindly older woman even suggested Windex could be to blame. Windex? I thought. The problem is, can be hard to know what to say, or how to…
Read MoreThe Brightest Sky
Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids. My second son, Jack, is diagnosed with autism. I used to think the hardest part of autism was the day we got the actual diagnosis—the day I walked into the cold rain of a November afternoon, and attempted to zip my squirming toddler’s jacket. I was wrong. I’m wrong a lot, if we’re being honest here. The hardest part is now. Sure, a lot of it was hard—the nights when he didn’t sleep, the long days chasing him around and making sure he…
Read MoreWhy I Am Afraid
I had a terrible dream the other night. My son Jack was walking up our driveway. He was crying—sobbing, actually—but he couldn’t tell me what was wrong. I ran to him and asked him over and over again what happened. He just stood there, towering over me, taking deep gulps of air as tears streamed down his face. He was so distraught. And in my dream, I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t reach him. When I woke up, my heart was racing. I was sweating, and yet I felt a…
Read MoreTelling the Story of a Boy with Autism
When I walked into the store, you were standing in the produce section near the fruit. The first thing I noticed about you was your jacket. I love that color blue, and it looked nice with your dark hair. I walked past you, and I almost tripped over an empty basket someone had left in the middle of the aisle. I glanced over my shoulder and I smiled. I rolled my eyes a little. “Who would leave their basket like this?” You looked up from your bag of apples, and…
Read MoreAutism’s Fingerprints
My name is Carrie, and I have five kids. My second son has autism. His name is Jack. He is sixteen. Autism impacts the way he eats, sleeps, learns, and moves. Let me tell you what else autism does. It takes a perfectly ordinary activity, and smudges it with its greasy fingerprints. It turns up the volume, and makes everything so bright and glaring, you have to squint to see any of the goodness that might be left. There is no manual for this—for figuring out how to clear through…
Read MoreWhere are the Trophies for Kids Like Him?
The first time I explained my son Jack had autism, we were at the Bronx Zoo. He was about eighteen months old. I was pregnant. The zoo was crowded. And he took every opportunity to run away from me. When he wasn’t running into throngs of people with their own little kids, he was trying to grab half-eaten pretzels from the garbage cans, or snatch napkins off the hotdog carts. He was terrified of the animals—all of them, the doe-eyed deer in their green valleys, the multicolored birds peering down…
Read MoreI Don’t Know Why
Hi. My name is Carrie Cariello. I am married to a man named Joe. We have five children, and our second son, Jack, has autism. Nearly seventeen years ago, I gave birth to a baby boy with a neurological disorder. It impacts the way he eats, sleeps, talks, and thinks. Autism is a little like the ocean. One moment, the waves are calm, and quiet. You admire their wide blue solace. But in the blink of an eye, it changes. The water becomes turbulent, and chaotic. Every once in a while, I wonder…
Read MoreWhy Can’t You Be Normal?
Why can’t you be more, well, normal? Have fun for a change! Blow bubbles in the summer breeze and chase waves in the ocean and jump into big piles of autumn leaves. Make friends. Go to birthday parties and sleepovers and on camping trips. What if I can’t, he asked. Try harder, they answered. Try bigger. Try with everything you have. I am trying. I am all the time trying. Be a normal kid. Say hello when someone talks to you. Shake hands. Hug people good-bye. What if hugging makes…
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