Autism
A Real Tinder Profile
When we are younger, dating and know everything, we are looking for certain things in a partner. Obviously, someone we are sexually attracted too. Someone with a good sense of humor. Similar interests. A good job. Shared values. Twenty-somethings don’t think about 15 years down the line. Babies, stress, snoring, weight gain, a midlife crisis, money struggles and literally not one second to think, sit or relax. I have to laugh at what a good husband is to me now, after three kids, a mortgage, and nonstop chaos. You wouldn’t…
Read MoreI Can’t Ever Die
I’m not sad about our lives. It’s never been sadness. Its been sheer terror. I have been terrified. What will his life be? We are so close to adulthood. What am I suppose to do now? Do the angry autism advocates online realize the thoughts running in my head? The ones where I can’t ever die because I have a child who will never live independently? Do they plan on picking him up and caring for him when I am 80? No, I’m not a “martyr mom”. I’m a terrified…
Read MoreI Will Carry Cooper Mama
When Sawyer was three he asked me if we could go to a fair. I of course said…’yes, but we have to wait until summer.’ Per the usual he said to me…’can my brother go?’ I told him no. His face immediately fell. ‘Cooper can’t go with us buddy.’ I went onto explain how the fair will be too scary for him. ‘Too many sounds and people for Cooper.’ He thought about that for a minute and then looked up at me and said….’is that because he has autism?’ And…
Read MoreGood People Don’t Bully Other Parents
Parenting a child with a disability is not a competition to see who has the highest functioning kid or the most severe kid. It’s not about bullying a fellow parent for admitting they are having a hard day. It’s not about alienating them because they see something different than you do. It’s not about arguing over labels or word choice. And it’s especially not about belittling a fellow parent who is newer to the journey. A parent who is asking questions. And asking for help and support. Acceptance takes time. It…
Read MoreBad Timing
Want to hear about bad timing? My nephew, my little sister’s first child was born around 4 am on August 7, 2014. At 10 am that morning I was told that my 10 week old fetus had no heartbeat. The next day, my 31st birthday would be spent physically ridding my body of the baby I had prayed for…for a year. I have a photo of me holding my beautiful nephew Jackson that day. I genuinely felt such happiness for my sister and brother in law but in the picture…
Read MoreMy Promise to my Son
My son, I have never met a person who works as hard as you just to live in this world. I think so often we forget that this place simply doesn’t make sense to you. Or kids like you. You like and need things different than the norm. It’s too loud, too bright, too smelly. It’s crowded and overwhelming. And people just don’t understand you. They don’t take the time to listen or see you or understand. But every single day, you persist. You try. You practice. You adapt. You…
Read MoreMy Special Needs Truths
To the people that live outside of the special needs world. Here are my truths: Parenting is hard. So is special needs parenting. I’m allowed to say that both are hard at times. Talking about the realities of severe autism is not negative. It’s not pretty and wrapped up in a bow. It’s very real and raw. And until you live it, please be kind to those who do. I will be raising a child who needs lifelong care until the day I die. While other children leave the nest…
Read MoreAn Open Letter to the Parent of a Child with a Disability
Dear Parent of a Child with a Disability, I saw you today at the local children’s hospital. Your body looked worn from the long days of countless appointments, multiple doctor visits, and always being on watch for another possible seizure stealing your child away. Your hair was pulled up in a ponytail, enabling you to always be able to react to any needed circumstances. Your little one lay her head quietly on your lap, she, herself so worn from the past 75-hour hospital stay. Yet, you smiled kindly on her,…
Read MoreThank You to the People Who See My Son
I want to thank the people who see my son. The people who ask how he is doing. Who on a Facetime say, ‘Let me see the boys. And Cooper too.’ Because while Sawyer and Harbor are demanding to talk and be seen, Cooper is not. Thank you to the people who wave to him on the street and say hi without needing a response. Who talk to him, even though they know he won’t answer back. Who aren’t afraid of his protesting at the park and instead ask him…
Read MoreThe Only Moments That Matter
This morning I saw a commercial. It was for some insurance company. Perfect family, house and kids. The oldest graduating from high school. The tag line something like…these are the moments we prepare for. The only moments that matter. I’ve been thinking about it all day. My mind keeps going back to it. The only moments that matter… First day of school. Graduation. A college acceptance letter. First job. A promotion, Marriage. Babies. Retirement. But what if a person doesn’t achieve those moments? Does their life not matter? My son…
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