Autism
I See You Mama, But Do You See Me?
Dear mama with normal children, “Normal? What is normal?” you might be asking. “Is that even politically correct?” Honestly, I’m not sure because I’m tired. And I don’t spend my free time on political jargon. And I definitely don’t sleep well. And most of my waking hours, I’m caring for someone else or finding resources that will hopefully make our life a little bit easier someday. Someday…a day that feels more and more like a unicorn lately. You see, I’m a special needs mama to a 16-year-old son. And no,…
Read MoreThriving Instead of Surviving
I came across an old post on my personal Facebook page that I wrote two years ago, on April 5th, 2019. That was a pivotal day for me, one that both shattered my naive perception of life and changed the way I live it. The following is an updated and edited version of that post from two years ago: “A harsh Autism reality hit our household yesterday. Evie was thriving for about two months, preschool was going amazing. Then things changed. Her teacher got transferred to a different location, her…
Read MoreUnlocking Your Voice
My Dearest Daughter Sloane, Last night I had a dream about you. I had a dream that I went to your room to wake you up, and you sat up in your bed, and you said to me in the sweetest voice, “Mom, I have so much to tell you, and I don’t know how this is happening.” I woke up out of breath, and I don’t remember anything else. You’ve had a hard few days. Your struggles have been heavy. I’ve needed to know so many things only you…
Read MoreThe Person
I never wanted to be The Person. You know, The Person—the one in a marriage who handles all the kid stuff, like changing the diapers and checking the homework folder and buying shoes. (The Person is also known as the Default Parent, The Micromanager, or the Helicopter Mom.) I did pretty well for the first year I was a mother. Our oldest son Joey was born and, for the most part, my husband Joe and I handled the responsibility of taking care of a new baby fairly equally. I didn’t care how he swaddled him,…
Read MoreWanted: That Mom Friend
I’m looking for a mom friend. You know, ‘that’ mom friend. That friend that needs no explanation because our worlds twirl within the same circles. The one who I can call at any hour of the night, because both of our families are wide awake anyhow. The one who puts the same amount of miles on her car, from searching every store, for that specific package of fruit snacks, or brand of pizza, or shape of chicken nugget. The mom friend that is fluent in a familiar list of prescribed…
Read MoreA Story That Changed My Life
A few weeks ago I had the honor of chatting with Peri of Not Raingirl. Peri is one of my most favorite humans on this earth. She is also an autism self advocate. She was diagnosed as a young girl and now shares her memories, learnings, and feelings with the world. Essentially, she is a guidepost for parents who want to listen and learn. When we spoke last, she told me a story that changed my life as a mother to an autistic child. In the story, she was referencing…
Read MoreOur Family was Complete
My son was born on July 31st, 2015 along with his twin sister Aria. They were perfect and they were mine! It was one of the happiest days of my life. I waited so long to become a mother. Me and my husband had many losses until this pregnancy. I had never felt such joy and happiness. The feeling was incredible. I never realized I could love a person this much until this day. I couldn’t help but think of our future and how bright it would be with these…
Read MoreThe Best Birthday Gift
This morning I walked downstairs to my sweet boy sitting on the couch, surrounded by his treasures. He waved. It was quick though. He was very busy watching his shows. He takes his show watching very serious. Especially on weekend mornings. ‘Cooper, it’s mom’s birthday today!’ I said. Now I don’t know what I expected. Not words of course. But a cheer. A smile. A gasp. But nothing. He looked back down. It stung. Like a tiny bee sting or a poke in the side. But the pain is duller…
Read MoreMy Autistic Son Isn’t Giving Me a Hard Time
I read a quote a while back, at a pivotal time in my life really, that read… My child isn’t giving me a hard time…he is having a hard time. We had just finished up with an incredibly hard day. One that involved being out in the community. A ‘place’ that can feel scary to families like mine sometimes. Our son is autistic. He has autism. He was diagnosed at age 3. Back then so much of his diagnosis felt like a mystery, one that we were so desperately trying…
Read MoreThey Will Always Have Each Other
I don’t know what it’s like to have a sibling with special needs. I only know what I see and feel as the mom. And compare to what I experienced growing up. These boys are two years apart. 10 and 8. When Cooper was diagnosed with autism, I wondered and I worried…about everything. Sawyer was not quite 2 years old yet. What did the future hold for them. Sawyer would follow his older brother around the house, attempting to force his way into his world. He wanted to play. He…
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