Autism
Waiting for the Train
I write and talk a lot about anxiety on this page. Anxiety in children. The only anxiety I know personally. The only anxiety I live. I refer to it as a train sometimes. A big black ominous one. And my son is standing on the tracks. I am next to him, holding his hand. I don’t know if he sees it or even feels it coming. But I can. I can see it coming, picking up speed. But I am helpless. There is no stopping it just like there is…
Read MoreHe’s Growing Up
Kids grow up. You know that. I know that. We all know that. But when it’s your own kid, well, it seems to sneak up on you. One day you are carrying them up the stairs and the next they are wearing your shoes. Or you find yourself in the young adult section of the store shopping for their clothes and are baffled how one of your own babies could wear something so big. I once read that watching your kids grow up is like experiencing the longest breakup ever.…
Read MoreShe Won’t Break
I come across pictures all the time. Old ones. Taken back before life got really interesting with four kids. I usually find them all crumpled up under a couch or stashed in between the pages of an old book. Sometimes a corner is ripped off. A sign that my oldest, who is autistic and adores photos of his family, has treasured it and hidden it away for another day. When I found this one I stopped picking up legos and beyblades and internally cursing my kids for being so dang…
Read MoreThe First Year of Autism
It has been one year since my youngest daughter, Joelle’s autism diagnosis. One year of so many firsts and so much learning for our whole family! The first lesson I learned was that finding therapies, securing them through insurance, and maintaining these therapies is like a second full time job! There are just not always enough hours in the day! We chose to start ABA therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy and feeding therapy. Basically anything I could find services for, which, due to Covid, was hard. I also joined many…
Read MoreMy Boy, Anything is Possible
My Dearest Boy, We’ve walked quite the road, you and I. Your dad and brothers have been there every step of the way too. It all began when you and your twin brother were born three months too early. The future was so unknown back then. The challenges and hills to climb seemed insurmountable. But you and your brother both rose above every challenge you faced. As you grew, it was clear that your needs were greater than your brothers’. Your dad and I had no idea what was going on, but…
Read MoreWhen They Mention Autism
You know when you’re in a public place at a party, a BBQ or an assembly, and you’re sitting with other parents… You don’t know them well, but their kids are in your kid’s class, so you all group and make small talk. It’s all light and breezy and then you hear someone mention autism. And you just wait. Sometimes curiosity will tilt my head.Sometimes my stomach will turn.My heart will race. What they say could either make me happy and emotional, or it could go the other way which…
Read MoreIn the Hard is Where I Found Myself
Hi friends! I’m Shannon and this is how Autism help me find myself. My true self. I’m the proudest boy mom to the two most amazing boys. One of those boys was diagnosed with Autism two years ago and completely changed everything I thought I knew about myself and Autism. The day our Adventure in Autism started was the darkest day of my life. I felt like I was being forced to go on a journey I didn’t want to go on. I did everything I could to keep from…
Read MoreBrothers
Here’s the thing no one told me about brothers. They fight. And they wrestle. They sneak punches. They take jabs. Like in this picture. They may be hugging. They also may be attempting to squeeze the life out of each other. I won’t know until someone screams. They team up against me a lot. Like velociraptors. One distracts me while the other two sneak into the pantry to steal Cheetos. They protect me too though. If one of them hates me for a second or gets really mad over something…
Read MoreA Lasting Impact
I am looking at you, my son, after introducing you to the bomb squad guy at a historic bombsite. He was our supervisor during our traffic works. I see you talking with the guy, posing as a tough boy, hands in your pockets, asking things about the history and World War 2. I dwindle back to years ago, when you were three years old and my Aunt called to tell me you appeared to be deaf unless she yelled “fries”. I see you looking at fragments of bombs with not…
Read MoreIt Starts With Us
I get a lot of emails. And messages. Even more comments. And many are from mamas of newly diagnosed kids. They typically come at 2 am. Or during a much needed nap time. When the exhaustion has creeped in. And the worry. When the word autism becomes a reality. They tell me their story. They ask questions. They ask me to tell them it will be okay. And they ask me me how I got to be so brave. Because they want to be brave too. They want to be…
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