Posts by Kate Swenson
A Promposal 15 Years in the Making
A single act of kindness may seem isolated in the moment, but kindness often paves the way for beautiful things to happen for years to come. Sometimes this beauty may not be revealed until over a decade later. At least this was the case with my daughter, Lizzie, a boy named Sam, and kindness shown to me by his mom, Angie. I was introduced to Angie in a state of desperation. I had just been told some unsettling news by a speech pathologist family friend. “Your daughter is showing all the…
Read MoreBecause of the Lockdown, I Can’t See my Son
Yesterday was Autism Awareness Day. Autism awareness month is hitting our family hard this year, and frankly, my heart is broken. Many of you may know that my son Christopher is enrolled in a residential school for Autism, a school for kiddos with heightened behavioral challenges. We visit there every Wednesday, and bring him home on the weekends…every weekend, without fail. Until now. His school informed us that they are in lockdown. He has been there, hunkering down, with his peers, teachers, and therapists. We were told if we brought…
Read MoreI Am Autism
I am autism. I am funny loud big. Yet I am quiet. I am a slippery riddle—a puzzle piece upon the bumper of a car, a black sentence upon white paper, a curious phenomenon. I am the month of April, and the color blue. I am a number. A statistic. A stereotype. I am a social story before July fireworks. A schedule fixed to the refrigerator. I am speech, and ABA, and occupational therapy. I am autism. I am a boy. I can be silly. I can be serious. I…
Read MoreDon’t Take Mom For Granted
I’ve heard it so many times. “Just wait until they start talking, you’ll just want them to be quiet”. I see memes like this and while I know it’s said in good humor, it’s also a little heartbreaking. Not everyone hears “mom”. Some children are deaf, non-communicative, non-verbal…parents lose children every day, and would give their whole life just to hear “mom” one more time. My daughter doesn’t have a name for me. The last time she said “mama” she was 10 months old. In fact, neither of my kids…
Read MoreThe Fear We Feel
This is the most fearful time of my life. A deadly virus spreading quickly throughout the country will strike fear in most people. However there is another fear I feel deep down in my soul. A fear most of us special needs parents are feeling during this uncertain time. The fear of regression! The fear of our amazing kids losing skills they worked so hard to master. Social skills, academic skills, social/emotional skills, they all matter. This fear haunts me and keeps me up at night. I am doing all…
Read MoreHow Does He Feel Loved?
This morning I listened to a radio show, where a doctor explained that in times of isolation and fear, we need to feel loved in order to feel safe. He went on to say that something called oxytocin is our happiness hormone, and when it is released throughout our body, we feel a surge of positive emotion, or love. He said the most effective way to release oxytocin is to bond socially. In times of social distancing, it’s important that we each make eye contact, and experience touch. Hi. My…
Read MoreThe Neurotypical’s Meltdown
I am NOT a “visual person.” My husband sees everything, even the hidden structure of a complex machine simply based on form, function, and the noise it makes. My husband is NOT a “listener.” I hear everything, even the raw truth betrayed by single word choice. Yin and yang. Peas and carrots. Amy and Sheldon. I may get the gold star for daily grinding, but he has saved my life more times than I can count, literally and figuratively. If I am the trusty ole’ engine, he is the emergency…
Read MoreLetter to My Daughter on Her Birthday
I cannot believe it has been 6 years since I held you for the first time. I remember laying you on my chest and looking into your big blue eyes. In that moment, I knew I would never love anyone the way I do you. Since then, you have made my world go ’round. Celia, you complete me in ways I didn’t know I needed. Not only do you complete me, but you show me what true love is and how to love more. Having you as my little girl…
Read MoreToo Familiar
Doesn’t all of this feel oddly familiar to you? So terrified of the future. Haven’t you felt that before? The fear of the unknown? Continual anxiety caused by the ultimate invisible boogey man we call… time. When will this change? How long will this last? When will this get better? Almost too familiar. So many questions but no one has concrete answers. Actually, let me rephrase. No one has answers that make sense to my non-expert brain. Information is flooding in fast but it is all so confusing and contradictory…
Read MoreThe Autism Merry-Go-Round
Some days, it feels like we are climbing onto the exact same merry-go-round that we were on yesterday, and the day before that and the one before that. The same music, same speed, same smells, and my son would undoubtedly choose the same horse to ride every single time. We continue, round and round, stuck on a loop. Sounds peaceful, right? Until the song changes, an undesirable sound or image comes into the loop. Or the lights are too bright or too dim. Something familiar is missing, out of place…
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