Archive for February 2019
Naked and Unafraid
Let’s be honest, more than likely you never saw yourself where you are at this moment in time – you had a different picture. There are moments in our lives that change us – they can change our path in life or maybe just change a feeling we have. Being a military family means moving, which means making new friends. We have been blessed with wonderful, and VERY understanding people in our lives at every location we have lived. My seven-year-old, Bodi, is a very social boy who always has…
Read MoreTo my Son’s School District
I registered my son for school today. I drove five minutes from my house on this cold winter morning and walked into the office with all of our forms: his birth certificate, our utility bills, his physical. This school is a large part of our community. It’s the only school in town, and it’s a one school district. It’s where I always envisioned my son starting school. But today, when I walked into that office, I knew I wouldn’t be coming back and that my son will probably never even…
Read MoreThe Rabbit Hole of Grief
The flu overtook our house this last week. First the baby. Then Sawyer. Then Cooper. And finally me. I found myself curled up in a blanket in bed yesterday afternoon. And Sawyer found me. He crawled in my bed and gave me that adorable smile of his. He went onto ask me a hundred and one questions. He asked me why rainbow trout look like rainbows. He asked me if I have ever caught a catfish. He asked me if I was a better fisherman than daddy. He told me…
Read MoreWhy Autism is Not My Excuse
“ Oh but that’s OK for him. He has autism.” I had to blink a few times because I wasn’t quite sure if I heard her correctly. This kind and gentle grandmother standing next to me was actually blaming my sons poor behavior on his autism. What is this OK? Is this really how people viewed children with autism? That every single thing they do- say- think- act- is BECAUSE of their diagnosis? We were both standing at the doorway watching through the Window dance class. It’s a class filled…
Read MoreMy Heart Broke Yesterday
My heart broke yesterday. At lunchtime, my boy rang me to ask me if we could have pizza for tea. Wow I thought…he is using his mobile to talk to me during break! That’s great! I promised we could and he sounded happy. Then BOOM I got a phone call on my way to pick him up to tell me he had left the school grounds and told a teacher to “shut up”! My heart began to race as I drove as quickly as I could to get to him.…
Read More3 Strangers Who Saved us During a Meltdown
Whether you are the parent or the audience, there is an awkwardness and discomfort when dealing with a child in public who is pre-meltdown, mid-meltdown, or just hysterical. As parents, we plan an exit strategy. Some of us even do this before we get there. But sometimes (or most of the time) it happens when we least expect it. When we didn’t plan. When there isn’t an easy escape route in site. We find ourselves wondering: Do we really need these groceries? So what if I paid $300 to be here.…
Read MoreWill the Grieving Ever End?
Dear God, it’s me again. I’m tired today. I can hardly take a breath. I’m so tired of fighting for every single thing my son needs. My head is spinning and I still have so much to do. I’ve been fighting back tears lately and tonight Cody took me by the hand and led me to his room. He took his yearbook down from a shelf and motioned me to sit down with him. As I sat with him on the edge of his bed I waited as he opened…
Read MoreToday Was The Day
I’m going to preface this post by saying that I fully expected the outcome of today, it has been something that I have felt and known for a long time, however, that doesn’t mean that it was easy to manage emotionally. Today was the day that my sweet little girl received her autism diagnosis. We had her developmental pediatrician appointment this morning, an appointment that had been booked for months. We got our morning started without any hassle and made it to the hospital with time to spare. It was…
Read MoreTo the Parts of You I Haven’t Met Yet
You were a gift from the moment the little blue + sign appeared to my young 20-year-old self. You were a literal dream come true. I dreamed of the person you’d be, the memories I’d make with you, what your hobbies would be, your little personality, the sweet voice you would have, and every single little part of being your Mommy. I never imagined it being difficult, because my love for you was already so strong. I was excited to endure everything that I would have to for you and…
Read MoreWe’re Having Fun and We’re Doing It Together
Hear me out… This phrase is our family’s unofficial motto. When you live with severe autism you work so hard every day to make even incremental progress. When you’re at the end of your short rope and sweating from the preparation and execution of the simplest task to enjoy a teensy slice of normal, you can hardly believe it all came together for one shining moment. An autism diagnosis is like having the wind knocked out of you. You know you’re likely to take a deep breath again, but when?…
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