My Heart Broke Yesterday

My heart broke yesterday.

At lunchtime, my boy rang me to ask me if we could have pizza for tea.

Wow I thought…he is using his mobile to talk to me during break! That’s great!

I promised we could and he sounded happy.

Then BOOM I got a phone call on my way to pick him up to tell me he had left the school grounds and told a teacher to “shut up”!

My heart began to race as I drove as quickly as I could to get to him. Just like I have done countless times before.

He was sitting in the car park, every muscle as tense as a piano wire.

His face looked so hurt and his fists were clenched.

I talked to him calmly and he relaxed a little. Then the teacher approached to tell me all the things he had done wrong that day.

This seems to be the norm for this poor child.

I remember in kindergarten a teacher pulling me aside with a list of what he had done wrong that day and I turned to her incredulous and asked “Did he do anything good today?”

She replied “Yes.”

So I continued…”Well, why don’t you concentrate on the good things and praise him for them instead of always the negative ones?”

I had to run then, just get away with my boy to safety for him and for me. I felt like slapping her. How dare she!

So, now we wait for consequences from the school.

He did the wrong thing this time. In their eyes, being out of school grounds is wrong.

Yes, but he also didn’t realise he had to stay behind the fence. He was waiting for me like a good boy in the car park, which to him is part of the school.

He didn’t wonder down to the bakery this time so for that I am proud. Because he was rude to a teacher though, there had to be consequences.

So he didn’t get to go to Putt Putt with the Asperger’s Group he just joined and he was looking forward to that.

Later on last night he asked, ” Mum will you and Dad ever break my Transformers as punishment or break one of my favourite movies for punishment?”

I was shocked and I said, ” No! why would we do that sweet pea?”

And he said “for punishment.”

I told him, “we would never ruin something dear to you, something that you love…”

So he replies, “So why didn’t you give me more electronic free time instead of taking away my Putt Putt?”

“Ah I said, because it is something I knew you were looking forward to. I needed you to think about what you did and understand that it was wrong. There will be other Putt Putt games to go to but it will make you question what you did.”

“Ok mum,” he said.

That was that and my heart broke. I still cry as I write this.

My child has all the feels.

Written by, Angele Juso

Mother to 2 boys on the spectrum Emile. 14yrs and Remy 12yrs. We live in Brisbane and I work as a nurse. The boys are both in high school now Emile the eldest is in Special Ed and needs lots of support and Remy is in mainstream and is doing well and refuses to have anything to do with special Ed. We often struggle with the school system and have enlisted the help of Autism Queensland to teach the teachers how to look after the boys to get the best out of them. I live in constant hope but am still grieving heir diagnoses after so many years not for my boys because they are great but I fear the constant battles that they will face everyday. My husband is also on the spectrum (only realized this with diagnosis) so he offers great insight and. Is an awesome advocate for the boys.

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Finding Cooper's Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you're never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village....all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to my page!

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