Come Back to Me

“Come back to me…come back to me…” I mutter as I hold my daughter who is once again slipping into the unknown. The only words that come to my mind as I rock my beautiful little angel in my arms. You see there is a tantrum, and then there is a meltdown. Since the months of Avery’s diagnoses they occur less often, but when they do it is as if my soul is ripped out of my body, chasing into the battlefield after her. There is simply no other way…

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When You Hear Autism for the First Time

Did you fear the word autism the first time you heard it in relation to your child? This morning, I was asked why I feared the word autism in the beginning. The question came from an autistic gentleman in a completely non-judgmental way. I’m thankful he asked. It’s one of those questions that pushes me out of my comfort zone. One that prompts me to look inside myself. Look back. Be honest. And learn. When I heard the word autism for the first time in relation to Cooper, I was…

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A Story of Hope-Pre-order Forever Boy Today

An excerpt from chapter 9 of Forever Boy: When the professionals first told me about autism, they described it to me as a spectrum. I immediately thought of a spectrum of light, like a rainbow through a prism. But it wasn’t that kind of spectrum. Or at least the experts didn’t explain it that way. They described it as a long line, with one end being the most severely affected and the other end being less affected. They threw terms at me like high-functioning, low-functioning, severe, moderate, and mild, even…

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Communication can be so Beautiful

A beautiful moment to share with you… This morning, when I came out of my bedroom, far earlier than I would have liked, I knew my Cooper was waiting on the stairs for me. For one I could hear train whistles and happy music. And secondly, lately, he’s been waiting for me more. Near, but far. Not close enough to touch, but easily heard and seen if I peek around a corner or under a table. He gasped as he usuallly does when it’s been a period of time since…

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We Always Come Home to Each Other

Back when my son was diagnosed with autism, what now feels like a lifetime ago, I used to hyper fixate on certain things. Things I hoped he would do. Things I was scared would never happen. Goals. Dreams. Fears. I used to be so scared I’d never get grandchildren. Crazy right? I mean he was 4 years old and I was thinking about being a grandma. Or his graduation. Would we have one? Would he ever drive? Go to prom? Have a first kiss? Heartbreak? All I can say is…

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Different is Amazing

Parent: I wish my autistic child could talk to me. Parent: I wish my child with autism could communicate with me. Parent: I wish I knew what my nonverbal child was thinking. Parent: I wish I knew what my child loved. Child: Listen and I will show you in the most mysterious ways. Be prepared to wait. And to listen to more than just words. My son Cooper takes photos with his iPad. Hundreds and hundreds a day. I know because the iPad is linked to my iPhone and every…

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He Taught Me How to Truly Listen

A few days ago I was driving myself and my three sons home from my mom’s house in Wisconsin. We had just celebrated Christmas and my SUV was packed to the brim with toys, leftovers, and love. The sky was dark as I navigated the backroads I’ve driven home for 30-some years. I remember being a little girl and dozing as my parent’s car bounced over the same bumpy roads. Only this time I was the parent, and I had two sleeping boys in the seat behind me, and one…

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A Love that People Dream Of

Last night, Sawyer had a tough time. He was overtired and overstimulated and the day just got too long for him. Christmas can be hard for little ones. When he gets like that, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Instead of going to bed, he sat angrily in his room and yelled at anyone who dared to enter. It’s best to just let him cool off. Cooper was so confused as to why his brother wasn’t coming to bed with him though. He doesn’t understand Sawyer’s complicated emotions…

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A Colorful Christmas

When I share about my son’s autism’s, my hope is that I share the endearing parts with the world. The humor and the joy. The innocence and the determination. Because autism isn’t a dirty word. Not in this house. There are so many amazing parts that make him…him. For example… Last night I dressed all three boys in their matching Christmas jammies. An hour later, only two were wearing them. Cooper’s were off. This morning as I searched for them, I had to laugh. They were gone. Like gone-gone. I…

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Who Needs Words?

I check on my three boys every single night before I go to bed. I make sure they are breathing and covered up and safe. I’m pretty sure every mom does that. I even sometimes wonder at what age I will stop doing so… Anyhow, last night, I was positive this one was sound asleep as I bent down to kiss his perfect cheeks. As my lips made contact, he opened both eyes, but didn’t make a sound. What he did do was lift up his hand and wave his…

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