Posts Tagged ‘special needs mother’
We Figured it Out
I don’t consider myself to be an expert in parenting. Or an expert in anything really. I don’t always do the right thing or handle every bump in the road perfectly. I didn’t fall gracefully into autism when my first born son was diagnosed at age 3. I more so crashed. Head first. With zero guidance. They say help is readily available for families like mine. Let’s be clear here. It wasn’t. We figured it all out on our own. Maybe it’s different now. I pray that it is. Because…
Read MoreSpecial Needs Mamas, Don’t Stay in the Hard
This morning I was headed to pick up my son from his hybrid, half days of kindergarten. I thought about how tired I was, how much I was tired of shortened school days, and then my favorite song came on and snapped me out of my complaints. Our day had started hours before the sun was ready to come up, when the house was quiet, and we could watch cartoons and eat cereal with leisure. This was our life for so many years, two am wake ups for weeks, or…
Read MoreI am Not That Strong
“You are so strong.” If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me, I’d have enough money to pay for ABA Therapy…out of pocket. If you aren’t a special needs mom that might not make sense to you, but trust me, it is A LOT of money. I first started hearing it when I got divorced. Then even more once my son was diagnosed with Autism. A single mom to a special need’s child. I get it – It sounds strong. Here is the thing…
Read More19 weeks
Truth time. I’ve been sad this pregnancy, which isn’t an emotion I’m used too. Happy, angry, exhausted, motivated, hungry…yes. Those emotions I know well. (Is hungry an emotion? I say yes because I feel that shit in my soul.) But sad…almost never. Especially not during any of my prior pregnancies. I am a glass half full kind of girl. A find the joy, focus on the positive person. So it’s been a tough go this last 19 weeks. I feel like a stranger in my own body most days. Like…
Read MoreDifferent Isn’t Scary
Parent: I wish my autistic child could talk to me. Parent: I wish my child with autism could communicate with me. Parent: I wish I knew what my nonverbal child was thinking. Parent: I wish I knew what my child loved. Child: Listen and I will show you in the most mysterious ways. Be prepared to wait. And to listen to more than just words. My son Cooper has started taking photos with his iPad. Hundreds and hundreds a day. I know because the iPad is linked to my iPhone…
Read MoreChristmas Day 2020
I have really great kids. I’m not sure if I say that enough. But this morning reminded me how lovely these three boys truly are. We had the best morning. Cooper starting asking me three months ago for 4 movies about Toy Trains. A series. They are the preview on all of his current train movies. And how does a nonverbal kiddo ask specifically for four movies? Well, he uses his iPad to take photos of the advertisement. His iPad is linked to my iPhone. Every day I have to…
Read MoreSome Hope for Christmas
Holidays have always been big in my family. Christmas growing up was always so busy. You see, my parents were divorced. I was always on the go…being with one parent Christmas Eve, the other on Christmas Day, and seeing extended family as we celebrated. I always dreamed of the day I’d have my own family and we could sit and enjoy the holiday, decorating the tree. Being in one place for the whole holiday. Fast forward to now, and my dream Christmas may still never happen. Not because we aren’t…
Read MoreIt’s Not About Blame
She paused mid-sentence, an empathetic tone intervening as she spoke words she’d probably uttered a thousand times before to parents throughout the years. She seemed to understand the importance, though…the nuance in her voice conveying the magnitude of her message, while she made certain to catch my gaze and connect, despite the limitations surrounding our telehealth appointment. “Even if we find that there is a genetic explanation for Leo’s Autism and epilepsy, it’s important to note that this isn’t about blame…” Startled by her candidness, I nodded, silently providing acknowledgement…
Read MoreChristmas; Another Day Passing Us By?
Holidays are fast approaching. And for the past few weeks, my mind has been filled with the excitement and longing for celebration and togetherness. In an ever-changing world that we are a part of, looking forward to something is a must these days. But as the first of the next few major holidays creeps up on our families, a new concept plagues my thoughts. In our area, holiday gatherings are not “banned” but discouraged, as we still reside within a worldwide pandemic. And there’s a very real chance that we…
Read MoreThe Sparkle of December and the Hope We Hold
There is something about the December month that brings with it a sparkle. With twinkling lights, colder weather, Santa, Christmas trees, and advent calendars. Each year I love more and more the quick turnaround from Thanksgiving to the Christmas season, turkeys to Christmas cookies. Maybe it’s the kids getting older, that I am getting older, or that I have just learned to appreciate the special December festivities. A sweet glimpse of time as we reflect on the year past and what it has given us. It feels like a season…
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