Posts Tagged ‘son’
I Need you to Show me the Way Kid
Last night we went for a walk. You and me and the baby. Sawyer was off riding bike with the neighbor kids. He finds walks with us to be a little boring I guess. The rain had finally stopped for the day and I needed to get outside the walls of our house. You know me kid and you know that sometimes mom feels a little batty when we spend all of our time inside. I buckled your brother into his stroller and helped you into your shoes and hoodie.…
Read MoreLetting him Experience Life without Me
This one. This one right here. He was the little for almost six years. Now he’s the middle. In a way he’s always been the oldest. He knows that. I know that. It used to be unspoken about. Until one day he asked me. He said, ‘I’m the older brother, aren’t I mom?’ I smiled. I cried. I hugged him. He knew. He loves fishing, riding bike, playing baseball and hockey. He loves being away from home. Being gone. Doing stuff. Socializing. He has no time for movies or iPads.…
Read MoreYou Must Love Him Differently
‘You must love him differently,’ she said. I looked at her curiously when she said that. ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘Because he needs you so much more than the other two. Because of the autism.’ I didn’t know what to say at first. She went there. Without fear. Without hesitation. I smiled and said, ‘I love him because he’s mine. I don’t love him any more or less or any different than his brothers. Autism has never changed a thing with my love for him.’ I love him because he made…
Read MoreThe Calm to our Crazy
Autism has taken our family on quite the adventure the last six years and right in the beginning of it, I gave birth to our second son. But through it all, you have been the calm to our crazy. It quickly became apparent the you are Jayden’s person, what a huge job that really is. It is never-ending and always demanding. The connection you have with Jayden is so hard to describe it is like you two have a magnetic force drawing you to each other whenever you are in…
Read MoreWould you be so Understanding?
I found myself out today in the community with my six year old son and my baby. We were in a group of people. We were quietly sitting. And by quietly I mean Sawyer was bouncing off the walls and the baby was chatting up a storm. Just as kids should be. Busy and happy. It was lovely. The three of us out together. I’m stretched a little thin these days so it’s nice to get time with my kids. I found myself looking around. I found myself missing Cooper.…
Read MoreMy Son, I am So Sorry
My sweet boy, how I love you so. We have had such a long week and I’m sorry. I am so tired of doctors, and needles, and hospitals, and machines, and all of it. I’m tired of having to be the one who makes you suffer through this stuff. But the doctors tell me there is more to look for, so in the hopes of doing the best I absolutely can for you, I keep looking. I keep fighting, and I keep pushing. And I know you are even more…
Read MoreHow Does this End?
When my son was diagnosed with autism over five years ago, I thought it was a race against time. I thought if we did everything all at once, all the therapies and services, we would help him, and he would eventually get back on track. I knew he’d always have autism. I was never one that thought it would go away. But I did think we would help him, bit by bit, and eventually he’d be where he needed to be. Which at the time I thought was alongside his…
Read MoreThe 4 Things that Helped our Son the Most
Many of you have been following our story for years. Some even since Cooper was three when I started this blog. You’ve seen the ups and downs. The highs and the lows. You watched me struggle. And Cooper too. Severe autism is a roller coaster. There is no doubt about that. Today, he is 8 and doing so great. He is potty trained, sleeping, walking in the community, acknowledging people and his brothers, and starting to communicate. Yes, his diagnosis is still severe, nonverbal autism with a side of Apraxia…
Read MoreThe Box of Kleenex on the Table
On the 24th of August, my husband and I sat hand in hand to finish a year long diagnostic journey to understand why our son Romeo lives in such silence. I could feel Gerardo’s fingers stroke my knuckles as the words spilled from the specialists mouth. As they sat and explained therapies, research, support groups…my mind wandered to the Kleenex box on the table. My child wasn’t sick, his life wasn’t in danger and the world didn’t stop turning. Romeo didn’t stop being Romeo. We just had a name for…
Read MoreThis World Needed You
This year, we stand on the edge of the end of your 5th year, right on the precipice of you turning 6. It has been over 3 years since I last heard your voice elicit words spoken from your heart as you yelled goodbye to your beloved garbage trucks as they turned out of our neighborhood out of sight. Now, you rarely glance up to watch the garbage trucks when they come by. Most days, I really cannot believe we are here…I thought we would have heard those words again…
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