Posts Tagged ‘Parenting’
The Second Day of Kindergarten
When motherhood arrived, one of the many moments I looked forward to with warm cozy anticipation was the first day of kindergarten experience. I enjoyed collecting the kindergarten wardrobe and elementary school kid supplies. I remember laying my oldest daughter’s new school clothes across her bed while we carefully chose the first day outfit perfection. Then the day arrived and I was full of “I love you!” and “Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you” and then, the ever so common bittersweet “How did you grow up so fast?”…
Read MoreThank You to the Man who Chose Himself
Thank you to the man who chose himself over his child: Being a single mom is really hard. Being a single mom to a special needs child is next level. I never realized the strength I had inside of me. You helped me release these very primal instincts when it comes to our son, that I had no idea existed. I share such a rare and special bond with him because he is all I had for so long. It was just he and I everyday. There isn’t a person…
Read MoreThe Day Everything Changed
April 20th, 2017. This is a day I will NEVER forget! A day I had waited so long for but dreaded at the same time. Today was Jaxon’s evaluation day! We woke up that morning and my stomach was already in a knot but we got ourselves ready and dropped our older son Dom off at school. Our appointment was for 10am and I was determined to be early. I told myself I wanted to just get it over with because I already knew what was coming. I had already…
Read MoreI Wasn’t Scared of Autism
I wasn’t scared of autism; I knew all about it. My brother has autism and he’s a happy, odd, 30-year old dude living his best life. So, when my son was diagnosed with autism, I was saddened that he’d have obstacles but I was also hopeful that he would find his voice like my brother had. I assumed that our family would rally around my son and be there for him as he finds his own path; I see now I was being naive. When my son was an infant…
Read MoreDancing in the Moonlight
A little girl maybe 4 walked up to me at the park today and asked me to push her on the swings. I said to ask her Mommy if that was ok first and she turned to me and said…you know when you fall down you just have to try a new way. She walked off but I doubt she saw me sitting on the swing with tears rolling down my cheeks. This was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me in all my 33 years. How…
Read MoreA Normal Breath
I was finally sitting on the couch with a cup of tea when my oldest daughter came downstairs. “Um, Mom, I just walked in on Ellie in the bathroom and she was holding poop in her hand.” Shit. Literally. So this is it, this is going to be the “next thing”. Our new challenge. A new behavior. A new reason to hold my breath. It is the day after Christmas and I feel as though I haven’t exhaled in the last 72 hours. I thought I could finally breathe normally.…
Read MoreMeeting Maya
I’m a mother of three amazing humans. But as a divorced mom it wasn’t always easy. I’m proud to send them out into the world and know that they will experience all of its wonders. I worked hard on being what they needed. As the story goes, I was living my life for them…the time put in was well worth it. And believe me twenty years goes by very slowly yet they grow so fast. All my babies have flown the nest. I guess it’s bittersweet my new found freedom.…
Read MoreI See You Momma
I see you, momma, giving your all. Staying up into the wee hours, researching symptoms and indicators, both hoping and dreading a possible diagnosis. I see you, all alone, as your mommy gut screams something is wrong, to the disbelief of your husband and family…listing all the “absences” and “lack” of symptoms, hoping the silent missing parts will prove to others there is, indeed, a problem. I see the world you’re living in. Where bell curves taunt and intimidate and are rendered useless for you. Where, diagnosis or no diagnosis,…
Read MoreHusband, It Might Always Be This Hard
My husband and I are, in a sense, new to this role of being special needs parents. Both of our children have fragile x syndrome and although our boys were born with this genetic condition, we didn’t know how significant our 2 year old son’s delays were until this past summer when Caleb’s genetic results came back. A few months after receiving Caleb’s results, we got news of Ben’s diagnosis as well. Both of our boys have full mutations of fragile x syndrome which causes them to have significant developmental…
Read MoreThe Land of Grief
I’ve scoured so many posts, blogs, and advice columns looking for moms like me. The moms who still struggle with the diagnosis. Moms who still wake up in the middle of the night unable to breathe, and moms who doubt everything they thought they knew. I look for moms like me, who have been crushed by the weight of autism. It’s been ten long years. Nothing has soothed these wounds. I’ve tried. I’ve tried different therapies. Antidepressants. Christianity. Wine. Way too much wine. No one seems to understand what this…
Read More