Dancing in the Moonlight

A little girl maybe 4 walked up to me at the park today and asked me to push her on the swings.

I said to ask her Mommy if that was ok first and she turned to me and said…you know when you fall down you just have to try a new way.

She walked off but I doubt she saw me sitting on the swing with tears rolling down my cheeks.

This was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me in all my 33 years. How does this four year old child have this much wisdom and what in the world provoked her to say that.

Could she tell I was facing an internal battle?

Was it just something her Mom has said to her earlier? Either way, it changed my whole realm of thinking.

See I was the Mom taking a break watching Daddy follow and pull sand and rocks out of our three year olds mouth while the other parents let their kids play because I needed just a small little break.

Backtrack 24 hours prior, a mother on vacation with her son.

After a long day she takes him to the hotel pool, sounds safe enough right? Well she thought so too. All this mother wants for her autistic son is to just have a good life, full of adventures and fun.

He deserves it and why should his disability hold him back from doing so?

This mother learned a lesson that night at the pool, he isn’t typical. You can’t always do things that typical parents do. Her son had the worst public meltdown to date in front of 20 people in the hotel pool.

This mother was me.

I cried, I cried because I was in pain as my tooth went through my lip in the scuffle…I cried because all he wanted to do was have some fun with him…..I cried because it just shouldn’t be this hard to have fun.

Too many people, too many sounds. I didn’t see that but he always does.

We left the pool, cried and regrouped in the room. We went for a walk later and low and behold he found his happy.

His happy was dancing on a sidewalk painting and lining his toys up.

He would stop from time to time to come sit with me and look up at the stars. In that moment, we were both happy under the moonlight.

The moral of this story is for any mom out there trying so hard, maybe you need to try another way.

I mean that four year old little girl had a point, I spend 75% of my week falling down but I keep trying new ways.

It’s exhausting to watch the “typical” families at the pool laughing and enjoying each other but I can bet you each one of them envied me sitting on that bench while my son danced in the moonlight.

It was beautiful.

There is no manual on what we should do for our children, they are all so different in their own way.

I will tell you that once you let go of what should be some pretty awesome doors open up. Just let them be little, do the silly things they want to do, help them line those toys up for the 900th time.

Most importantly don’t forget to find your happy and join in on that moonlight dance…..it feels pretty good.

Written by, An Anonymous Mother

Finding Cooper’s Voice accepts guest posts from writers who choose to stay anonymous. I do this because so many of these topics are hard to talk about. The writers are worried about being shamed. They are worried about being judged. As a writer and mother I totally get it. But I also understand the importance of telling our stories. And this will ALWAYS be a safe place to do it.

Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.

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Finding Cooper's Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you're never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village....all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to my page!

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When my son was first diagnosed with autism no one was talking about it. Autism was hidden. I vow to change that.
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