The Fear of Silence

This morning I listened to a sermon about silence. How in today’s world it is hard to find. And how most people say they want more silence, but when they get it, they fear it. They can’t take it. It’s too quiet. I sat there listening, bouncing my baby on my knee, and thought about how I was probably the only person in the room that knows the silence of an eight year old boy. Of a nonverbal boy. And how loud it can truly be. How your brain can…

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Oh, the Places You’ll Go

As any new mom would, when I was first pregnant I spent my time obsessing. I don’t know why I hated every baby name or why I thought my baby would be nameless. I spent my time reading through baby journals and articles. And in that time I read that babies develop hearing while in utero and that was it. So, we bought a book. Daddy would read aloud near my growing belly. This was going to be his book. I remember we searched for the most perfect book. I…

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I’m Learning how to be his Mom

On Saturday morning, at 5:45 am, I casually mentioned to Cooper that I was going to Target at some point. I was chatting away to him when I worked it into the conversation. The words ‘Target’ and ‘birthday party.’ I talk to him all the time like this when we are alone. In the car. Or awake before anyone else gets up. I go on and on. Mostly nonsense really. I talk about the news. And how much I love coffee. I talk about Sawyer’s schedule. And our plans for the…

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You Need to Discipline that Child

I shared a photo the other day of my sweet son with his photos. His treasures. In the picture Cooper was using a photo of his brothers to stim on his Kindle. Pretty cut and dry. The caption read “Cooper and his babies.” Gathered around him were more of his treasures. Mail. More photos. A bookmark. Books. A train magazine. You can’t tell from the photo but Cooper was in his glory. I was making dinner. The baby was in his high chair. Sawyer was playing hockey in the front…

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I’ll Never Give Up On Him

I remember attending a speech therapy play session at the start of our autism journey. My son Freddie was 3 years old. He’d officially been diagnosed just over 6 months previous to this. I was excited and nervous. The autism world was all still fairly new. I didn’t really understand what or how severe autism was going to affect Freddie. I’d never heard of low functioning autism, and googling severe autism left me feeling hopeless. I reminded myself that Freddie was still so young. I was in denial. I thought…

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Kid’s Draw the Darndest Things…Get Ready to Laugh

You know that old saying…kids say the darndest things? Well, sometimes they draw them too. Last night, I opened up my son’s backpack to pull out his work from the day. And found this gem. I immediately burst out laughing. He is in Kindergarten and I love to see what he brings home. I gathered my composure and asked him to tell me about his drawing. His response, ‘It’s obviously a beach tower mom.’ Which I responded with, ‘Obviously.’ I found my husband and said, ‘I may have the maturity…

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How Can I Help During a Meltdown?

One of the most helpless times for me as a mom is when my son is having a meltdown publicly. My attention and focus turn 100% to him. I drop what I am doing. Quite literally. If I am holding a purse or a coffee I drop it. My son is a runner so I know that I need to chase him. Until he falls to the ground. And then I have to try and keep his head safe, and get him outside. I try to do this with minimal…

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When Jealousy Surprises You

There are many topics in the world of special needs parenting that are taboo to talk about. Self Injurious Behaviors. Aggression. Puberty. Depression. Jealousy. As parents we don’t talk about them out of fear. Fear of being judged by people outside of our world. People that don’t understand. Or we worry that people will think badly of our children. Or our parenting skills. So, we stay quiet. I know this unique isolation all too well. Well, lately I’ve been feeling an emotion that I don’t feel very often. It’s even…

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The Lucky Mom

While walking through the grocery store, I recognized a mother and her daughter, about 10 years old, chatting and shopping together. I knew the mother years ago when her oldest daughter, now 19, was friends with my oldest daughter. They met in first grade and became instant friends. A few years passed and this mother and I were pregnant at the same time.  We both had baby girls just a few months apart. I remember my oldest commenting about how the two baby girls would naturally play together someday. This…

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The Woman who said, “I’ve been there”

I was in line at the doctor’s office not very long ago trying to juggle my son James with one hand and my purse and clipboard of endless insurance and medical forms in the other. And that’s when I saw her standing in the line beside me wearing a pink sweatshirt, leggings, and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Like me, she had her hands full with her toddler, stroller, and loaded diaper bag. We made eye contact seconds before my little Houdini wiggled himself out of my arms…

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