The Box of Kleenex on the Table

On the 24th of August, my husband and I sat hand in hand to finish a year long diagnostic journey to understand why our son Romeo lives in such silence. I could feel Gerardo’s fingers stroke my knuckles as the words spilled from the specialists mouth. As they sat and explained therapies, research, support groups…my mind wandered to the Kleenex box on the table. My child wasn’t sick, his life wasn’t in danger and the world didn’t stop turning. Romeo didn’t stop being Romeo. We just had a name for…

Read More

The Right Amount of Hope

I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. And somehow, no matter where I am on the ‘hope for his future’ spectrum, I seem to have the wrong amount for some people. If I hope for words, I am told I should really be hoping for communication. If I hope for independent living, I am told that I’m not accepting reality.…

Read More

Missing Out

You’re missing out. Parents of special needs kids say this in their head all the time. At least I do. You’re missing out on having her read all but a few words. You’re missing out on giggly girl sleepovers. You’re missing out on having her on middle school honor roll. You’re missing out on her excitement from passing the driver’s test. Prom. College, moving out. Wedding. Children. So many things to feel bad about missing out on. Milestones and rites of passage that just don’t apply in your situation. But…

Read More

Autism Defeated Me Today

Autism you won. It was one of those days. A day you felt like a dump truck has repeatedly hit you over and over again. Tears that continue to flow. Nothing is stopping them. I am hurting. I am hurting because I can’t figure out what is making my son so frustrated. I can’t figure out what is causing his meltdowns. Autism is hard. There is no sugar coating it. It hit me extremely hard today. I just became so overwhelmed with emotions today. The feeling of my anxiety taking…

Read More

Autism isn’t a Scary Word

Someone I know is dying. Someone who is in my life. She has a spouse. And kids. Grandkids. A sibling. A home. Friends. Hobbies. Faith. A life. A very full life. She is a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. She found out a year ago that she has cancer. I remember when she told me. I didn’t think it was a big deal. Probably because she is such a good person. Bad things don’t happen to good people. So happy. So optimistic. I knew cancer was bad. But she…

Read More

3 Autism Assumptions

So, it’s Autism Awareness month and if you are like me you kinda giggle when you get to the “awareness” part. Pretty sure most people are aware that autism exists but depending on what generation they fall in, autism exists in their mental image catalog as scenes from “Rainman” or the “Good Doctor” or “Atypical” all of which represent my daughter Isla, well, ZERO. Not even close. Here is just a quick look at some of the more common assumptions floating around and I’ll let Isla help me squash those…

Read More

I’m Thankful for my Unsung Hero

Its been almost 3 and half years since we received our son’s diagnosis of classic autism level 3. When we walked to the car that day I sat in my seat and just crumbled… As I sobbed and sobbed, you took my hand and said “we’ll get through this together.” You may not have known then but that’s exactly what I needed to hear. No one could have prepared us for this journey. The women and mother I was that day is not the same person I am today. Autism…

Read More

The Day I Lost My Autistic Daughter

It started off like any other Friday morning. I was rushing around trying to get 3 kids out the door for kindergarten drop off. There was a lot of “get your shoes on,” “are your shoes on yet,“ “that’s it we are leaving with or without the shoes.” Finally, after loading all 3 kids into the mini van we were off. I parked on Varian Way the same street we have parked on since my oldest son started school last year. The kids got out and we set off. Sadie…

Read More

My Journey To Acceptance After Diagnosis

The walk to the car with my husband after Liam’s autism diagnosis was filled with words we both finally spoke. “At least now we know.” and “We will get him the best services possible”. The car ride conversation was about how the label doesn’t change him. He is still our same little boy. When we pulled in the driveway I started to feel a knot in my stomach. I opened my front door to walk into my home and I just stood in the kitchen. I turned to my husband…

Read More

The Greatest Teacher

It was a beautiful, sunny April day last year when Autism first became a part of our lives. It was in the last few days of Autism Awareness Month that we were presented with my son Jack’s suspected diagnosis of Autism and we would begin our journey on the spectrum. His diagnosis would be confirmed a month later at an appointment with our developmental pediatrician- a last minute appointment we were lucky to get almost seven months early due to a cancellation and our ability to be there with short…

Read More