Posts Tagged ‘nonverbal autism’
As Your Mum, I am Learning your Language
Sometimes I look at you in apprehension… I realize I am a foreign object…a lost immigrant to a new country in your presence. I look at where you look…to that corner where the sun hits…and I don’t see what you see. I do not hear what you hear and I only feel what I feel which sitting next to you can feel like so very little. It used to bother me, scare me and now I eat my croissant curiously searching for the light you are swimming in. In your…
Read MoreWill I be Brave Enough?
Am I brave enough? I just left the grocery store. I only had a few things today so opted for the self checkout today. While I scanned my items, I became aware of two young men next to me. I would say they were both in their 20’s. It dawned on me rather quickly that one was helping the other shop for groceries. He was helping him scan each item, slow and meticulously. Talking him through he step. The gentleman being helped was very much enjoying himself. He was laughing…
Read MoreYou are Enough Mama
To the mama who is scared. The one who is carrying something heavy. In her heart. Her mind. And on her shoulders. To the mama who is worried. The one who cannot sleep. To the mama who is crushed. The weight of the exhaustion too much. I understand. You feel alone. You are not. You are here with so many of us. A member of our club. To the mama who doubts herself. Who researches. Who navigates. Who refuses to give up. Refuses to take no for an answer. I…
Read MoreThey Walk
See these two boys? They are brothers. One is 10 and one is 8. They both have birthdays coming up and at least once a day I hear… ‘First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Cooper’s birthday and then mine!’ This family loves their birthdays. This photo may look like no big deal and when I snapped it, as the little brother walked his older brother into his first day of school this year, I remember pausing and thinking…this is it. This is what I prayed for. Every day. While driving. In…
Read MoreYou are Welcome Here
You are welcome here. I see so many posts online telling parents how to feel about their child’s diagnosis. Some tell them to only see the positive. To celebrate every part of it. Some shame them for saying they are scared. Or hard. Or that they are worried. Some tell them they are awful parents. Some ridicule them for thinking a certain way. Some act self riotous because they didn’t shed a tear when their child was diagnosed. And they shame anyone who did. I read those posts and they…
Read MoreI Will Give Him a Magical Life
Last night something monumental happened in our little world. Our middle son Sawyer had a gaggle of friends over playing and as they ran from room to room, crashing and bashing and giggling about farts and butts, our oldest son Cooper ran behind. He was the oldest of the whole group on paper. The big brother and yet not. He will be 11 in a few months. But he has no interest in Nerf Guns or ninja warrior games. He doesn’t acknowledge the coolest shoes or ask for a cell…
Read MoreI Wonder with Excitement
When my son Cooper was first diagnosed with autism, and in the beginning years that followed, I’d spend a lot of time secretly wondering what our relationship would be like. I was told he would never be able to talk. Or live independently. And a whole lot of other things as well. And I’d wonder. And worry. Would we ever have a conversation? Would we ever go grab dinner together at a restaurant? Go to his first concert? And so on. I’d wonder while driving and studying him in the…
Read MoreI am an Observer of Autism
I saw something recently that said if you are not autistic you are merely an observer of autism. I absolutely believe this to be true. I do not know what it is like to feel the world as my children do, I am not a martyr because I parent autistic children, and I am not an expert on autism. I observe as my daughter carefully pours sand in her hair not worrying about those around her. I let her do it, even if she is covered in dirt, because it…
Read MoreFocus on the Good
I want to tell you one of the lessons I’ve learned that has helped me be a better parent to my autistic son Cooper. It’s pretty simple really. It’s understanding that he did his best in any situation. It’s listings the positives instead of the negatives. Even if there are only 1 or 2. It’s focusing on the good instead of the bad. Let me explain. Tonight we went to a carnival. All six of us. Our popular social butterfly, our curious wild child, our sweet easy baby, and our…
Read MoreThe Beautiful Gift of Life
We just had one of those great nights. One where you realize what a gift life is. We laughed and giggled on our walk. There was running and teasing and stolen hugs and kisses. There was life. So much beautiful life that I had to pause and say thank you. My oldest son asked for a birthday party and to see a blue whale. All without words. My second oldest rode his dirt bike and climbed trees and tried to convince me that he’s going to be 10 instead of…
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