Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
Crumbs on the Counter
Hi. My name is Carrie. I am married to a man named Joe, and we have five kids. Our second son, Jack, is diagnosed with autism. Right now, we are a family attempting to get through a pandemic with as much grace, humor, and kindness as we can muster. This is harder than one might think. Today, I yelled about crumbs on the counter. You could hardly see them, these crumbs. Unless you squinted and tilted your head at a certain angle and the overhead lights were on full blast.…
Read MoreEndless Nights
There are 24 hours in a day. Every hour is 60 minutes. But I am quite sure the hours between 1:00 and 6:00 AM are at LEAST 6000 minutes each. Lonely hours spent alone with my thoughts. I have been awake during these hours because I am feeding an infant. I have been up because I have insomnia and can’t sleep. I have been awake because I suffer from chronic pain or a cold and so I just can’t get comfortable. A sick and hospitalized child or other loved one…
Read MoreToday, I Failed
Today, I failed you. I yelled. You cried. I cried. As we were doing our normal morning routine, fighting about putting your jeans on, I was already anxious. Worried about how school drop offs would be, worried if you were going to get upset as I walked down the hall to leave the school… all the normal morning anxiety. After the jeans debacle, you were finally dressed. Not without a little negotiation, of course. “First jeans, then bunny socks!” Harper has some socks with a bunny on the side… he is…
Read MoreA Letter To The Mom With A Newly Diagnosed Child
Dear Mama, I know you’re probably feeling every single emotion flooding through your body right now… And I wish that I was there to wrap my arms around you and give you the big loving hug you so desperately need. I may not physically be there with you, but please know that I am here…along with an army of fierce mamas who have been exactly where you are. I’ve been on this journey for almost 9 years now and there are a few things I’ve learned along the way. Many…
Read MoreThe Ability to be Vulnerable
Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids, and my second son is diagnosed with autism. His name is Jack. He is fifteen years old, and over six feet tall. As an autism mama, I am pretty used to advocating for the things we need, whether it’s an adjustment to his IEP, or a new kind of therapy, or a change in his medication. This has not always been easy for me. I have sat in many meetings, and through many appointments, with a bubble of rage in my…
Read MoreThe Rewards of Parenting
Yesterday my father in law reached out over text message to see how we were doing. It has been an unusually busy and chaotic time for our family and he was just checking in. I told him we were doing Ok, hanging in there at least. He responded with empathy stating he remembers how hard it is parenting three small children and having zero energy left at the end of the day to do anything for yourself. He went on to say “You sort of put your life on hold,…
Read MoreThe Skills We Have
When you were about six, we had a party at our house. By this point, you talked pretty well. You were still behind other kids your age, but you could get your point across for the most part and ask for juice and tell us which DVD you wanted to watch. Jack-a-boo, language has always been hard for you. You didn’t say a word until you were well past three. Sentences were slow to come. Even now, as a teenager, you hesitate for a few beats when someone asks you…
Read MoreLetting Go of the Things Beyond our Control
We all know mothers can be portrayed as being a bit dramatic. I am not saying I agree with that, but I do think moms, particularly new moms, put an enormous amount of pressure on themselves to raise perfect children. Something that is completely unattainable, especially when you are a new mom trying to figure out why your child is so different than all your friends’ kids. This was me 4 years ago, and I, of course, tried to come up with a way to “solve” these differences. What is…
Read MoreI Never Knew Being A Mother Would Be So Hard For You
Hi, my name is Kate and I am 36 and I’m having a serious case of lost identity. Or maybe it’s a midlife crisis. Or a little post-partum depression. Or maybe I’m just tired, overweight and mentally drained. Who knows which one. I have three boys, a husband, a home, and a job I love. I am beyond blessed. I have devoted my life to the humans in my life. And again, most days, I am happy to do it. But some days, some weeks, I don’t feel that way.…
Read MoreTo The Mom…
To the mom with bags under her eyes from getting up hours before school to take her son to his appointments To the mom sitting by her baby girl in the hospital bed yet again while she fights for her life To the single mom on food stamps who hasn’t worked in years because the calls from school are too frequent To the mom who is still caring for her son well into her old age who prays someone will take over when she’s gone To the mom who had…
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