Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
19 weeks
Truth time. I’ve been sad this pregnancy, which isn’t an emotion I’m used too. Happy, angry, exhausted, motivated, hungry…yes. Those emotions I know well. (Is hungry an emotion? I say yes because I feel that shit in my soul.) But sad…almost never. Especially not during any of my prior pregnancies. I am a glass half full kind of girl. A find the joy, focus on the positive person. So it’s been a tough go this last 19 weeks. I feel like a stranger in my own body most days. Like…
Read MoreThe Plain White Coffee Mug
I will be 36 years old in one month and I’ve never been the plain white coffee mug. I’ve been the funny coffee mug. I have made it my job to make everyone laugh around me. I’ve been the accomplished mug. From grade school through obtaining my master’s degree. I’ve been the pregnant mug. Sickness all 41 weeks – Can’t see my feet Hangry – I will NEVER do this again. I’ve been the ew mom mug. I became a mommy for the first time in 2013. I was so…
Read MoreWhat I Wish I Knew When I First Started Out…
What I wish I knew when I first started out on this path… Early intervention can never hurt your child, it can only help. If your child is just a late talker, great – a little speech can never hurt. Get the evaluation. Pediatricians plays down your concerns, but your instincts are screaming at you. Get the evaluation. Family and friends are gently giving you cues, but you are in denial and yes angry. Get the evaluation. You are afraid of your child being officially labeled, except they are being…
Read MoreOur Life Before Autism
Every night you fall asleep wrapped up in your favorite teddy bear. Tonight, was no different. You snuggled into the bear that is larger than you, wrapped yourself in blankets, and awaited your bedtime stories. We read 3 bedtime stories every night. You usually push for more, but tonight you were fast asleep before I even finished the second book. You do not fall asleep during the stories a lot, but when you do it is always my favorite. I stay a few extra minutes to soak in every ounce…
Read MoreFinding The Ones Who Understand
When I was pregnant for the first time, so were a bunch of my friends. We had plans. Our kids were going to be best friends and grow up together. We would watch them meet milestones together and bring them to the park for playdates. It was going to be the, let’s be honest, the somewhat unrealistic expectation most first time moms have, but I have seen it happen, the pictures posted online to prove it. Some best friends do get to extend those deep connections to their children and…
Read MoreIt’s Not You Son, It’s Us
You’ve been walking quite a bit these days. You like walking; it calms you. You like to look at the birds, the sky. You open your mouth to take in the wind. Puddles are too good to pass by without engagement. You usually hold my hand. We talk about what we see. You repeat. You look, you smile, you laugh. Sometimes you point. But this day you let go of my hand. Unafraid and free. You needed to move at your pace, faster than me. You needed to feel the…
Read More5 Things I Wish I Could Tell Me 4 Years Ago:
1. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t that you were too busy as a mom now trying to juggle two kids instead of one and you just didn’t give your second child the same amount of attention as your first. It wasn’t because of that one time that he hit his head. It wasn’t any decision you made or didn’t make for him. You were just being a mom the best way you knew how. This wasn’t about you. This was just going to be. Let go of the why. 2.…
Read MoreWhen Mother’s Day is Hard
Mother’s Day for a special needs mom does not look like everyone else’s day… I spent my Mother’s Day redirecting behaviors that were furiously present this week. I’m not saying this as negative, I’m saying it because it’s true, and I’m recognizing the hard. I try to share the good more than the bad, but sometimes the hard is an important part of our story too. It isn’t always positive new skills, or new words, or meds that work for a day or two. There was no sleeping in or…
Read MoreLet Me Be A Fly On The Wall
I often catch myself thinking, if only I was a fly on the wall. I’ve uttered those words to your therapists after they share the celebrated moments of your morning. Moments you have worked so hard for. Harder than most. Moments like when you said ’swing’ for the first time. Tried a strawberry. Waved hello to another child. Pointed to the object when asked, “Where is the…?” Hugged a stuffed animal. Moments I thought I would witness first. Moments I thought would happen with me. Precious child of mine, I…
Read MoreLessons From A Crisis Schooling Mom
In this time of great uncertainty during the Covid-19 pandemic people are forced to educate their children from home. Some are calling this homeschooling, but in reality, this is crisis schooling. Homeschooling would look much different. Crisis schooling is what we have been thrown into without a choice and forced to figure it out along the way. Some may be enjoying it. Others may be enduring or just getting by. I think we are somewhere in-between. Both Tyler and I are considered essential employees at our jobs. I’m lucky enough…
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