Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
It Will Always Be Like This
It was a normal Monday afternoon. My boys were playing while I finished up my work on the computer. I closed the Macbook and started thinking about dinner when I heard a large thud followed by crying. My 20 month old had fallen off the toddler bed and hit his head. He was bleeding and a bump was forming. As I was trying to check it better and hold an ice pack on it, my sweet baby stopped breathing. He’d done this before. He gets so mad and screams and…
Read MoreStress Levels of Parents of Autistic Children Comparable to Combat Soldiers
If you are on any social media channels, I’m sure you’ve seen the meme that reads, ‘autism moms have stress comparable to combat soldiers.’ It’s always floating around. And it catches my eye every single time I see it. That meme comes from a study done a while back by the University of Wisconsin Madison that monitored the stress levels of a group of mothers and their autistic children. The study lasted for 8 days and reported on their daily experiences. They were interviewed at the end of each day,…
Read MoreI Wear the Mask Well
I am NOT a writer by nature. Well, never anything I have wanted others to read. My writing skills have never reached beyond the rambling of journals that are tucked far away from other’s eyes. I have struggled lately with overwhelming emotions and adjustments to not only how Autism changed our lives but to the schedule and workload that follows it. Most of my “breakdowns” happen in the quiet of night when I am alone, safe from judgement. I know I shouldn’t care but the demand to defend my feelings,…
Read MoreWhat I Wish the World knew about Autism Awareness Month
We have been on the autism journey for just over four years. I remember it like it was yesterday, sitting at the appointment watching the doctor run a series of predictable tests, biting my tongue and holding myself back from blurting out all I felt I needed to say. I watched her hand him toy after toy trying to see if he knew what to do with it (like give the toy bottle to the baby doll). And toy after toy he would throw it, or bite it, or break…
Read MoreReminding Myself to Breathe
It’s been so long since I have expressed my deepest feelings on paper. Maybe it is the hectic environment in which I live, maybe it’s the denial that splashes my mind every morning, or the guilt that is seeded deep within me. Uncertainty is my demon that gnaws away at my confidence to parent the way I need to. It is difficult to grasp the concept of my everyday jealousy of ‘normal parents with normal children.’ Our life is anything but. Some days my life consists of washing smeared feces…
Read MoreAt the End of the Day I have Nothing Left
At the end of the day I have nothing left to give. You could say it’s because I have three kids. Three boys actually. 8, 6 and 6 months. One husband. Two dogs. A house. A job. A website. Friends, family and obligations. You could say it’s the time of my life. 35 years old is the busy time. My life is full. Full of laughter, love, chaos, dirty laundry, trains and hockey. And I love every minute of it. You could also say it’s because I am up before…
Read MoreMy Message to the Moms who Admit It’s Hard
I think moms are amazing. My mom. Your mom. Moms of 1 kid. Moms of 5 kids. Moms of adult kids. Moms of babies. Working moms. Stay-at-home moms. Breastfeeding moms. Formula feeding moms. Moms of angel babies. And especially moms of kids with special needs. They are my moms. My people. I read something recently that said moms of kids with autism should quit whining. And complaining. That they signed up for ‘this’ when they got pregnant. Responses varied from anger to outrage to ‘walk a day in my shoes.’…
Read MoreI have a Date with my Boy
I have a date tonight. At 4:30. Right after school. We are going to go train hunting. Me and my boy. He has a ticket. Well, actually it’s a piece of paper that I wrote on this morning. But to him, it’s a ticket. A reminder. Something he can hold onto. And treasure. Something he can show his teachers. And keep with him all day. I am going to pick him. I am going to bring snacks and drinks. I know he will burst out the doors smiling. Running. My…
Read MoreMy Journey To Acceptance After Diagnosis
The walk to the car with my husband after Liam’s autism diagnosis was filled with words we both finally spoke. “At least now we know.” and “We will get him the best services possible”. The car ride conversation was about how the label doesn’t change him. He is still our same little boy. When we pulled in the driveway I started to feel a knot in my stomach. I opened my front door to walk into my home and I just stood in the kitchen. I turned to my husband…
Read MoreThe Greatest Teacher
It was a beautiful, sunny April day last year when Autism first became a part of our lives. It was in the last few days of Autism Awareness Month that we were presented with my son Jack’s suspected diagnosis of Autism and we would begin our journey on the spectrum. His diagnosis would be confirmed a month later at an appointment with our developmental pediatrician- a last minute appointment we were lucky to get almost seven months early due to a cancellation and our ability to be there with short…
Read More