Posts Tagged ‘hope’
My New Dreams as a Mother
I have two amazing daughters. Claudia is 15 and Keira is 13. They both are beautiful. They both have crazy curly red hair. And they both have Autism. A spectrum disorder that affects individuals differently and in varying degrees. They may share this diagnosis but in most ways couldn’t be more different. My Claudia has severe non verbal autism. She didn’t say her first real word until age 7. She still has toileting issues and needs assistance with every aspect of life. She rarely sleeps through the night and is…
Read MoreThe Right Amount of Hope
I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. And somehow, no matter where I am on the ‘hope for his future’ spectrum, I seem to have the wrong amount for some people. If I hope for words, I am told I should really be hoping for communication. If I hope for independent living, I am told that I’m not accepting reality.…
Read MoreSomewhere Along the Way it got Easier
Somewhere along the way it got easier. I can’t tell you exactly when it happened either. I sometimes try to figure out when we let the breath out that we’d been holding for so long. But I can’t pinpoint it. I remember it being hard. New baby hard. No sleep and nursing hard. And then toddler hard. And then really hard. Nonverbal autism hard. I remember trying to live our lives the way we always had. And failing. Everything was hard. And I mean everything. We couldn’t win. No matter…
Read MoreAutism isn’t a Scary Word
Someone I know is dying. Someone who is in my life. She has a spouse. And kids. Grandkids. A sibling. A home. Friends. Hobbies. Faith. A life. A very full life. She is a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. She found out a year ago that she has cancer. I remember when she told me. I didn’t think it was a big deal. Probably because she is such a good person. Bad things don’t happen to good people. So happy. So optimistic. I knew cancer was bad. But she…
Read MoreWatching the Anxiety Release its Hold on Him
I never knew a child could have anxiety. I fully admit that. If you would’ve told me five years ago that anxiety could completely control a child’s life, and the child’s family’s lives, I would have probably laughed at you. I would have said something like, ‘what does a child have to be anxious about?’ I was ignorant. I didn’t know. I was naïve. I was clueless. Well, the universe had a way of showing me. My son’s anxiety is brutal. It controls every aspect of his life. It controls…
Read MoreLetting Out The Breath You’ve Been Holding For So Long
‘The best feeling is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long.’ The beginning was so hard. Before the autism diagnosis. The unknown. The hating myself for suspecting something was wrong. The watching all of his peers and even younger kids pass him by. The exhaustion. Never sleeping. Wondering why my baby was different. The fighting with my husband because I saw something he refused to see. The hoping it was anything but autism. Late bloomer. Boys will be boys. Holding my breath. Waiting.…
Read MoreOur Days Are No Longer Lost
For the first time, since as far as I can think back, I want time to slow down. I actually haven’t ever really felt this way. My whole life I’ve been sprinting to reach the next milestone. A shame I know, trust me. I wish it hadn’t of taken me thirty years to realize this. And it’s kinda an odd feeling to have made this shift. Since having Noah, all I’ve been doing is trying to catch up. Rushing to do everything and anything I could to get him ‘better.’…
Read MoreNew VIDEO: The Difference a Year Can Make
Oh the difference a year can make. If you would’ve told me last May that my son would be where he is now…I would’ve probably thought you were crazy. I would’ve for sure cried. One year ago, our autistic son had MAJOR problems with school, eating, sleeping, behaviors, safety, communicating, ear infections and constipation. Jamie and I felt like we were failing. Or at least it felt that way. We couldn’t get help. We couldn’t get doctors to listen to us. We couldn’t get a team put together. We were…
Read MoreSome Days I Have Nothing Left
I brought Cooper to the doctor this morning. He’s had chronic ear infections for years and I need to know why. My son is living in pain and he shouldn’t have too. His behaviors sky rocket the worse he feels. Fix the pain, fix the behaviors. Seems pretty easy right? I knew this appointment was going to be bad. I never take Cooper anywhere alone anymore. At nearly 70 pounds I struggle to have control of him. He is fast and sneaky and a runner. One of Cooper’s biggest struggles…
Read MoreAnd Just Like That, Hope Bubbles Up
There is a funny thing that happens when you have a child with autism. When I walked out of Cooper’s diagnosis appointment, I felt every single emotion possible. We waited for 7 months for that appointment. The day came. The appointment happened. We got the diagnosis. We left. I cried. Everything was immediately different yet exactly the same. I was not the same woman that I was just a few minutes prior. I was an autism parent. A special needs parent. I had a label. I was immediately different from…
Read More