Posts Tagged ‘Brothers’
Sounds of Happiness: Embracing Cooper’s Unique Joy
Cooper, Last night you were upstairs with your brother. It was long past your bedtime…which for Sawyer isn’t strange. That kid would stay up all night long. But not you typically. You have an internal alarm that tells you when it’s 9 pm and it’s game over. Up to bed you go with 7 blankets and a pile of treasures so high it takes you two trips up the stairs. But last night was different from some reason. I heard your sounds first. Laughing. Squeals. Little screams. Hums. Giggles. You…
Read MoreUnveiling the Silent Fears: Sending My Nonspeaking Child to School
I don’t think we talk about our fears enough. I know when I do, as a mom to a nonspeaking boy, my fears are often brushed aside. Or downplayed. And I think it’s because fear makes people uncomfortable. Or they want to fix it. But there isn’t always a solution. Acknowledging our fears forces us to go to that uncomfortable space. But the older I get, I am learning to lean in. And share. So here goes… This morning my 12-year-old nonspeaking boy with a big diagnosis got on a…
Read MoreFinding the Light: Hope and Understanding for Families with Autistic Children
The comment read, ‘for some families, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.’ I thought about it all night. And when my toddler woke up at midnight for a hug, and then again while I drank my coffee and watched the news. I thought back to our hardest days when there was no apparent light at the end of the tunnel. Our autistic son didn’t sleep longer than 45 minutes at a time and we started every day at 3 am. We lived in this place of…
Read MoreBound by Love: Navigating Motherhood with My Colorful Boy
From the very beginning of it all, you have been mine. My heart outside my chest. And I’d have given anything to be your person. For so long I prayed to be given a glimpse into your world. I just wanted to sit next to you, and you not shy away. I wanted to play next to you with bubbles, cars and blocks, and not cause you to shift activities, preferring your own company. For so long I was losing sleep, worrying that we wouldn’t ever be able to be…
Read MoreDoes He Understand Everything I Say?
‘Does he understand everything I say? Because sometimes I can’t tell mom.’ My oldest son Cooper was diagnosed with autism at age three. It wasn’t a surprise by the time the psychologist said the words out loud. He had no words. He didn’t play with toys or acknowledge other kids. He flapped his arms and never stopped moving. He seemed to dislike sleep. Technology was his world. It was as if this world made absolutely zero sense to him. Severe, level three autism with a language impairment. That’s what the…
Read MoreA Difficult Decision: Splitting Up for Disneyland, Leaving One Behind
As I ascended the stairs onto the aircraft, I knew our decision was the right one. Leaving our son, Rhys, at home, while we took our other two children to Disneyland, was a hard decision to make, but in our world these tough decisions are what we face daily. We live life differently because my son is autistic and this world is not designed to make it easy. I thought back to many occasions where Rhys’ brother had been so excited for a day trip and then only allowed to…
Read MoreInvisible Disabilities: How You Can Help Kids Like My Son
People ask me all the time how they can help. Kind people. Loving people. Strangers. Friends. Family. People on this page. I speak about that out of control feeling that happens when my son starts struggling. When his big feelings about waiting or sitting overwhelm him. Or when the noise is too much and the lights are too bright or he smells something in the air that you and I can’t make out. Maybe we are in line at the grocery store. Or at a park. Or in the paper…
Read MoreUnforeseen Paths of Motherhood
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’m ashamed to admit that this is how I feel somedays. Don’t get me wrong, I never expected parenthood to be easy, and I know we don’t have it the hardest. But when I get the rare chance to reflect, I feel it. The exhaustion of living at a heightened level. There’s always something in life with a child with autism. It may be a new behavior that has popped up or resurfaced, or a program that requires hours of paperwork, or never-ending…
Read MoreA Tired Mom: Embracing Support and Asking for Help
Today I had an interesting thought cross my mind. It was in passing as I was pouring coffee and starting my day. It was “I am tired of taking care of myself.” What does this mean to me? Every day I have to work hard to recognize what I am feeling. To be conscious about not shutting off, to add in moments that light up my spirit, to share with others, to eat and exercise for my brain, and to just keep standing in it all. It has taken a…
Read MoreI’ll Hold Him Mom. I Have Him.
Back in the beginning, when the folder was slid across the table, and the words ‘severe nonverbal autism’ were said out loud… I remember wishing for a crystal ball. I wanted to know what the future held for my boy. His brother. Our family. I begged. I pleaded. I bargained. I prayed. For a glimpse. This is the one I wish I could have seen. Right here. A moment in time. Peace from the chaos. Two brothers. Two years apart. One verbal. One not. One on track. One proudly marching…
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