Bound by Love: Navigating Motherhood with My Colorful Boy

From the very beginning of it all, you have been mine. My heart outside my chest. And I’d have given anything to be your person. For so long I prayed to be given a glimpse into your world. I just wanted to sit next to you, and you not shy away. I wanted to play next to you with bubbles, cars and blocks, and not cause you to shift activities, preferring your own company. For so long I was losing sleep, worrying that we wouldn’t ever be able to be…

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My Little Miracle Baby

I blinked. I closed my eyes for that microscopic second and you grew. Everyday when I watch you float through these halls, a whisper in my heart still sees you as that fragile, tiny soul weighing just a pound coming into this world. I have to pinch myself back to reality watching you giggle so beautifully these days, as my body still tenses, remembering every sound from the ever-chiming hospital monitors. I’ll never forget that warning sound. It’s woven into my being. I look at you, my beautiful boy, and…

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Open Hearts for Halloween

It’s that time of the year again, friends. And I’ve got a lot of feelings. This Halloween, please acknowledge and keep in mind that not all individuals will “look the part” that you’ve dreamt up, fall under the imaginary age bar that you’ve set, or ask verbally for their treat. They’re not lazy. They’re not ”spoiled”. They’re not ”ungrateful. They may be overstimulated. They may have sensory issues. They may not communicate with words. Eye contact may turn them inside out. They may be learning how this holiday will look…

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If You Pray For My Autistic Son

My husband pulled himself out of bed yesterday morning, quietly pulled his Sunday best from the closet, and went to church while the little man and I slept.   We haven’t been to church together since the beginning of our marriage. We haven’t been to church as a family in years.   And though I’m proud of him for making that decision for himself on such a random Sunday morning, I am simultaneously conflicted in my emotions.   I’m glad he went, if that’s what his heart yearned for yesterday.…

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My Autistic Son and Anxiety

It’s a weird thing, anxiety. Purposefully placed inside our minds, as a means to keep us safe from outside harm. It’s there to keep us cautious and on our toes. And thank goodness for that. Can you imagine a world where you had none? Where you walk this earth fearful of nothing. Jumping from high spaces, running at full speed, no brakes, and carrying a “maybe deal with it later” mentality? I bet you answered “yes and no” to each of these. So did I. But my son, those answers…

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