Posts Tagged ‘autism’
Tonight, You Needed Me
Tonight you needed me. That sounds so crazy to say. You’re three, of course you need me. But, let’s be honest. Not really. Not like your sister needs me. She needs me to ‘looooooook’ a lot. Look at a crumb she swears is a bug. Look out the window to see if the neighbor’s dogs are out running around. Look in the pantry to get another snack. Look in the basket of books to find the right one. She seeks out my smiles and giggles. She gets louder and more…
Read MoreWhen Mother’s Day is Hard
Mother’s Day for a special needs mom does not look like everyone else’s day… I spent my Mother’s Day redirecting behaviors that were furiously present this week. I’m not saying this as negative, I’m saying it because it’s true, and I’m recognizing the hard. I try to share the good more than the bad, but sometimes the hard is an important part of our story too. It isn’t always positive new skills, or new words, or meds that work for a day or two. There was no sleeping in or…
Read MoreLet Me Be A Fly On The Wall
I often catch myself thinking, if only I was a fly on the wall. I’ve uttered those words to your therapists after they share the celebrated moments of your morning. Moments you have worked so hard for. Harder than most. Moments like when you said ’swing’ for the first time. Tried a strawberry. Waved hello to another child. Pointed to the object when asked, “Where is the…?” Hugged a stuffed animal. Moments I thought I would witness first. Moments I thought would happen with me. Precious child of mine, I…
Read MoreYet, I Worried
Imagine living each day surrounded by reminders of the challenges you face. School, and therapy, and even Mom and Dad, all well-intentioned but whose best efforts revolve a great deal around examining those challenges, and how best to address them. And then there’s baby sissy. Who by all accounts doesn’t understand that Leo is considered “different” by some. She doesn’t see challenges, delays, or stims, or even lack of language as a negative…Instead, she hangs on every one of his vocalizations. Every stim and every move he makes. She doesn’t…
Read MoreThe R Word
Let’s talk about the “R” word. I hate this word. I hate that this word has become a norm for people to use, whether intentionally or jokingly. The R word is hurtful. The R word is mean. We’ve all said it. I’ve said it. Before I had Gracy, I was guilty of using this word as a way of lazily describing my feelings…how I felt about something or how I felt about someone. This all changed for me eight years ago. At 30 weeks (I think) pregnant, I was told…
Read MoreJust Like Any Other Seven Year Old Boy
He was sitting in the chair watching tv – just like any other 7 year old boy – and for just a moment it broke my heart because he isn’t like any other 7 year old boy. He has autism. He doesn’t talk. He can’t always make his hands go where you tell him to. He can’t tell you where he hurts. He isn’t potty-trained. There are so many things he can’t do – might never do – and if you start thinking about it, ‘what he can’t do’ can…
Read MoreLost in the ‘Possible’
A mum sent me a message earlier, about grief. Grief and autism. It may sound morbid, and it may not be the same for everyone, but this is absolutely a thing to me. When my son was diagnosed, I did cry A LOT, I cried any chance I could really, any time I was alone or any time the kids were all asleep at night, I cried. I guess I still do, only now it’s not the same kind of cry… To be told something so impacting, so unknown and…
Read MoreWhat I Want You To Know
I stood at the stove the other day, stirring some soup I’d made from leftover Easter ham. My son Jack sat at the counter, reading the back of a DVD. It was a warm day, and the kitchen was bright with late-afternoon sun. If you were to look in our window, you’d probably think we were an ordinary mother and son, enjoying some quiet time before dinner. But things are rarely as they seem. Are we imposters? No, not exactly. We are simply trying to play an unexpected role—me the…
Read MoreThe Way He Did Today
Something happened today during our homeschooling session. It’s been five weeks since he last went to school. We have talked about the whole COVID 19 lockdown situation a couple of times since all this started. Today, his teacher sent a new social story and asked me to read it to him. The picture of the school building in the story looked a lot like the school he goes to. As I was reading it with him, I saw that he had started crying. There was no sound, just tears trickling…
Read MoreConversations with a 4-year-old About her Brother’s Autism
A few months ago, Charlie, my 4-year-old daughter, yelled from across the room, “Mommy, look!” Her older brother, who doesn’t tend to pay her much attention, was hugging her. She said, “Does this mean he loves me now?” My heart broke. Confession: I am a bit of a hypocrite. I advocate for autism awareness and everyone talking to their children about autism and I really hadn’t done it myself with my neurotypical child. We talk about differences and kindness and why everyone we meet is special, but we hadn’t had…
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