Yet, I Worried

Imagine living each day surrounded by reminders of the challenges you face. School, and therapy, and even Mom and Dad, all well-intentioned but whose best efforts revolve a great deal around examining those challenges, and how best to address them.

And then there’s baby sissy. Who by all accounts doesn’t understand that Leo is considered “different” by some.

She doesn’t see challenges, delays, or stims, or even lack of language as a negative…Instead, she hangs on every one of his vocalizations. Every stim and every move he makes.

She doesn’t find him “different,” but rather the coolest kid around.

“Bruh Bruh!” As she so adoringly refers to him is her idol. And while we’ve done as much as we can think to do to help facilitate their connection, certain bonds are beyond explanation…

Oh, how she loves him. And words…well, they have never been apart of the makeup of their bond.

Its existence lies simply on pure, unadulterated love.

So many nights, during my pregnancy with Eva, I lay in bed thinking about the sweet baby girl I’d soon be holding in my arms.

A baby girl I had dreamed about.

Prayed about

And loved fiercely despite not having met her.

Yet, I worried.

I worried about my Leo. How he would react. How he would cope. How he would feel.

I worried about regression. Aggression.

I worried that I wouldn’t be the Mom they needed me to be. The mom they deserved.

Oh, how I worried.

But a year later, as I reflect on those worries, those fears…I can say with unwavering certainty that I was wrong about every single one.

Written by, Ellie Whetzel

Ellie Whetzel is a Wife, Mom, and blogger who writes about the ups, the downs, and everything in between of life with her extraordinary son, Leo, who is on the Autism Spectrum. You can follow their journey at: https://www.facebook.com/mylifewithleo/

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