His Beautiful Soul

Yesterday, I drove my middle son Sawyer to school. He typically rides the bus but he wanted to donate a handful of toys to the toy drive his school was holding so I drove him. ‘The toys go to Children’s Hospital mom.’ He was adamant about bringing presents. As we drove he asked me a zillion questions. As a mom, I’ve learned that some of the best conversations happen in the car. After asking me about multiplying 8’s and 9’s and something he saw on YouTube, he said, ‘mama, am…

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They Don’t Need Words

These two had it out last night. Like brothers have been known to do. It was over an iPad. There was a truck involved too. Lots of screaming and wrestling. They were eventually separated. One was put in the bath and told me the whole story, nonverbally of course. He asked for hugs and kisses as his alligator tears filled the tub. The other one, the tough guy, he didn’t need a hug or a kiss. But he did tell, and by that I mean yell, his side of the…

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How am I Supposed to not Miss Him

I brought my son Sawyer to skate night last night. A school event at a local roller skating rink. There was pizza and music and arcade games. Kindergarten through fifth grade. Families. Siblings. So many kids. I laced up his roller blades and watched him be a little boy. Skating way too fast. Being silly. Telling stories. Playfully pushing friends. Dancing. Doing the limbo. He has a social life. Friends. He’s growing up. As I sat there watching, holding my baby tight, I was suddenly overwhelmed by all the feelings…

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Sawyer, You are the Best Brother

Dear Sawyer, You are eight and I am writing down the stories I want to share with you when you are a grown man. So you know about our secret world. Last night I went to your bedroom to tuck you in but you weren’t there. So, I made my way to your older brother Cooper’s room and saw you holding him. It brought tears to my eyes. The protective way you were holding him was beautiful. He’s been driving you bonkers lately. He has this desire to be near…

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He is Home to Me

My middle son has been having some big feelings lately. He is 8 years old and sandwiched in between two very big personalities. I think sometimes it can be lonely to be the easy one. His dad and I are working for hard to make sure he knows how magnificent and treasured he is. Last night a movie on the couch with popcorn and tickles. This morning a doughnut date, just the two of us. And lots of conversation. Which is the best part in my opinion. I love hearing…

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He’s Too Much

Do you have a ‘too much’ kid? One who has you white knuckling through parenting? I do. Our third born son. The one who never stops talking and asking questions. Who opens every drawer and cabinet. Who jumps off couches and as the parent you watch their life flash before your eyes. The one who demands bandaids for every imaginary owie. And has me pulling my hair out. This kid…when we hear his feet toddling down the still big steps in the morning we say…’and so it begins. He’s awake.’…

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They Walk

See these two boys? They are brothers. One is 10 and one is 8. They both have birthdays coming up and at least once a day I hear… ‘First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Cooper’s birthday and then mine!’ This family loves their birthdays. This photo may look like no big deal and when I snapped it, as the little brother walked his older brother into his first day of school this year, I remember pausing and thinking…this is it. This is what I prayed for. Every day. While driving. In…

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When the Silence feels too Loud

I don’t get a lot of quiet moments in my life. I mean, I’m a mom of four so honestly it just doesn’t happen. My house feels alive most of the time. Laughter. Yelling. iPads blaring. Train whistles. No hockey sticks in the house. Turn that down. Is that a marker? It feels like a three ringed circus most of the time. But a great one. One that the neighborhood kids are drawn too. Yesterday I made a trip to see my dad. He’s 79 and had a stroke a…

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White Knuckle Parenting

I don’t want to be the mom who says no all the time. Or don’t do that. Or get down. Stop throwing. Why are you wet? Is that marker? What’s in your mouth? But with this kid, this exasperating, adorable, super smart kid, it comes down to keeping him alive. That’s my standard right now. He climbs everything. Slides. Counters. He gets to the highest point and gets a twinkle in his eye and says…’mama, I jump!’ And my heart goes into my throat and I’m suddenly talking him off…

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The Beauty of a Brother

Laughter. You know the kind that comes deep from the belly? It’s the best. And when you hear it coming from someone else you immediately smile. Especially when it’s two of your children. Ages 10 and 2. Brothers. One would assume they don’t have a lot in common. Or a lot of time for each other. But they do. See they both really love The Good Dinosaur and Cars. And bull dozers and fire trucks. The older one loves acting out scenes from movies. He will zip around the house…

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