It’s Not Okay to Vanish

Hey friend, It’s been a while. A few years to be exact. I know you are still married. Kids are good. I see you travel a lot. And you love your job. You are always doing something. Funny, I don’t recognize any of the faces in your photos anymore. Anyhow, I wanted to reach out and say a few things. Clear the air I guess. We are both grown women. We are mature. We’ve both come a long way. So, I think it’s time. I know that Cooper’s diagnosis made…

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Why I Medicated my Toddler

There is a stigma that comes with medication. An infamy that fills us with fear, guilt, and avoidance. I am the first to admit that I explored every possible avenue. Prescription drugs weren’t even up for discussion when it came to our daughter. The first person who offered my child medication was a neurologist. He told me she needed to calm down and offered a small dose of Clonidine. But I declined. Why would I medicate a 2-year-old? Then, an interim psychiatrist who did a full evaluation that we needed…

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A Letter to my Former Self, the NICU Mom

Hey Lady! It’s me…You! Weird I know, but listen up Buttercup because I have some important things to tell you. You’re leaving the NICU today after the longest 143 days of your life, but you already know this might not be the end of the ‘hospital life,’ and you’re right. I’m going to let you in on a little secret though…Carter will be physically okay! You’ll have some bumps in the road but nothing as major as the surgeries he endured in the NICU. I promise. You’ll find the perfect…

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Why her? Why us?

We try not to have too many why her/why us moments as it is a slippery slope but sometimes it is hard not to. I just don’t get why this has happened. We did everything right. Why her? Why us? Evie is 2 years and 9 months old, currently non-verbal and being assessed for autism. We first thought that Evie may have developmental issues early on, around the 12-month mark, when she didn’t start talking, pointing, waving and all the other usual things on the autism “check list”. However, we…

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A Mom to Two Only Children

I’m 7 months pregnant with my second child while sitting anxiously with my husband and 17 month old child in a waiting room of a speech and food therapist office. Every time the door opens to the waiting room I can feel my heart racing faster, and then Zachary’s name is finally called. An hour and a half later our very first evaluation is over. I’m left feeling more empty in my car then when I came into the office there. It’s hard to rationalize and almost defend your child…

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The Day I Learned my Son had Autism

The date was Monday, February 2nd, 2015, the day I now vividly remember as the day I found out my son had Autism. I remember the date, because it was the day my new baby turned exactly two weeks old. My dear friend Aimee was visiting for the first time since my 4th child was born. My new daughter Lainey, two weeks old at the time, was chilling in Aimee’s arms while our other kids ran around tearing up the house like they always did. My then 19 month old…

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A Quiet Birthday

Dylan, you will be three years old very soon. I can’t believe that. It seems like only yesterday that we were worried we would never even have a child. After three long years of trying, we conceived you! We could not have been more excited to welcome you! The overwhelming love I had for you when you were born was palpable. It was like a ton of bricks and I felt instantly connected to you. You cried when you were born but the moment you were laid on my chest…

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Naked and Unafraid

Let’s be honest, more than likely you never saw yourself where you are at this moment in time – you had a different picture. There are moments in our lives that change us – they can change our path in life or maybe just change a feeling we have. Being a military family means moving, which means making new friends. We have been blessed with wonderful, and VERY understanding people in our lives at every location we have lived. My seven-year-old, Bodi, is a very social boy who always has…

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Today Was The Day

I’m going to preface this post by saying that I fully expected the outcome of today, it has been something that I have felt and known for a long time, however, that doesn’t mean that it was easy to manage emotionally. Today was the day that my sweet little girl received her autism diagnosis. We had her developmental pediatrician appointment this morning, an appointment that had been booked for months. We got our morning started without any hassle and made it to the hospital with time to spare. It was…

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Son, My Promise to You

Hey there, kiddo. It’s me, your mom. Today you turn nine. Nine. In some ways, it seems like just yesterday I was sitting at our family’s summer camp with a positive pregnancy test in my hand. So excited, waiting to call your Dad to tell  him the good news. Wondering, when I could tell your Grandma and Grandpa they were going to become first-time Grandparents. And, to be honest, worrying and hoping that that vacation margarita wasn’t going to be a problem. In other ways, it feels like these past…

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