Understanding and Acceptance

People get really nervous around individuals who are non speaking. Or folks who use a wheelchair. Or who look different. I didn’t know that before I had my son Cooper. Before he led me wide eyed into the world of disability. Without knowing he showed me how a person can be invisible. A person standing front and center. Some of it’s subtle. The overlooking of a person. Some is not. And it’s hard to see. As his mom it’s hard to not get mad and sad and frustrated. Because I…

Read More

Small Big Things

Something huge happened yesterday. But amidst the chaos of putting on sunscreen and watching kids jump into the pool and picking up wet towels I missed it. I was busy throwing a party. I wasn’t paying attention to small big things. My son Cooper is 11 years old. He loves balloons and parties and the frosting on cupcakes. He said his first word at age 9. It was mom. He says it long and drawn out, pausing on each letter as if he’s plucking them down from the sky. MMM-AW-MMM.…

Read More

A Brave Day

Let me tell you about a boy. A boy who at eleven years old shows more bravery than most adults I know. But his bravery looks different so most overlook it. He has very few words. Not much for conversation. But his eyes…they tell a story. If you listen to him. Patiently. If you don’t rush him. And wait. He will tell you. If you don’t talk over him. Or speak for him. He will tell you how he hears things louder than you. And smells the faintest smells. And…

Read More

It’s Our Normal

My 11 year old son and I just passed a group of boys his age. Some older. Son younger. One was on a cell phone. One was doing tricks on his bike. A few were shooting hoops. I noticed them right away. Older boys. Almost teens. But then I realized the boy holding my hand is almost the same age. It was one of the slow moving realizations. They were smarting off to each other. Being silly. Pushing the limits. Not being bad. Doing what kids do at that age.…

Read More

Touch

This little boy traced my face while I was sleeping this morning. I knew it was him before I opened my eyes. Once I did, he giggled and ran away. I’m sure he was confused why I was still in bed at 7 am. I’ve been sick and yesterday I tried to explain to him that mommy wasn’t feeling well. After I told him he tapped on his chest, showing me his teal striped shirt. He must have dressed himself. He was proud. We both clapped and then he pointed…

Read More

We can Change the World

The other day I was chatting with a friend and she was telling me about when her son was diagnosed with autism. And she said… ‘I knew I couldn’t change autism, so I decided I had to change the world.’ I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. Because, see friends, in the beginning, I didn’t have a lot of support. Or resources. Or knowledge of my son’s mysterious disorder and…I thought my purpose was to change it. I didn’t understand. Now I do. And this amazing mama, she knew what I…

Read More

Father’s Day

Facebook memories are so lovely some times. Father’s Day. Five years ago… This is how Cooper slept last night. He was so proud of the Father’s Day card he helped make for daddy. He will carry it around until it’s just a shred of paper. I always say Cooper loves object until there is nothing left of them. My heart melted when I checked on him and saw the card laid out. He is all heart that kid. A huge misconception about children with autism is that they don’t make…

Read More

Keep Going Mama

I think about you sometimes mama. 28 years old. You just had your first baby. You felt joyful. Exhausted. Your nipples hurt. Heck, it all hurt. But you didn’t mind. Because you had the most beautiful baby boy. You named him Cooper months before he was born. You painted his nursery blue. You went to birthing classes and read What To Expect When You Are Expecting. Your husband bought him a baseball glove and bat. And a Minnesota Wild jersey. You were both so ready for him when he arrived.…

Read More

The Tether

He is tethered to me. This son of mine. It connects us at all times, his lifeline. As he’s aged the rope has started to reach farther. I can move throughout the house without him following me from room to room. But he knows. He always knows where I am. I can go in the front yard and visit with neighbors. He waits for me, typically on the porch or just inside the glass storm door, watching. The tether seeming to expand and contract. I can go on my nightly…

Read More

My Favorite Thing About You

My son, Today is the first day of summer vacation for you. You are 9 and yesterday was your last day of third grade. On the walk to the car after your day, not one minute into summer, you said, I’m a fourth grader now. You have always wanted to be older. Bigger. Faster. You have never had time for little kid stuff. I’ve noticed as we’ve entered these in-between years, parenting is getting a bit more confusing. I find myself questioning myself a lot. Wondering if I’m doing the…

Read More