My Son was Assaulted and he Couldn’t Tell Me

A while back my son was kicked by a person that was supposed to be caring for him. It happened one day and I didn’t find out until the next. He came home from school like any other day. He was happy. He was smiling. He asked for a cookie and his Kindle. We played. Had dinner. Took a walk and then a bath. And he went to bed. I had no idea he had been kicked multiple times at school that day. The next morning I received a phone…

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Do You Stay?

Picture this.  You are in a relationship. It’s new and exciting. There’s so much potential! Oh, all the things that you will do together. You will grow together, learn from each other and your love will grow.  They love you so much. You can tell. They get comfort from your hugs and you love doing things for them. They light up when you enter the room. It’s all so lovely! Picture this.  They stop talking to you. Car rides are silent. It’s like a one way street. You try and…

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When “It’s Fine” Means “It’s Not Fine”

When Mason’s therapists and I hit a roadblock, I turned to my special needs support group for ideas on why Mason was so apt to keep his brother from enjoying anything outside of watching Mickey Mouse. Why did he follow his brother around non-stop? Parenting and scolding, every second of every day? Why did he feel so entitled to every toy in the house, even those he most definitely disliked? Then someone had a brilliant, but heartbreaking suggestion. Maybe Mason had realized that his brother was surpassing him in some…

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Every Single Day I Choose Joy

I read a comment today from a follower who said I was glossing over the hard parts. I’ve been thinking about it all day. It’s a funny comment from where I’m sitting actually. Most people tell me I’m too negative. They find the realities of my world to be depressing. Even though they are indeed, the realities of so many. Here is what I will tell you. I’m not glossing over the hard. It’s here, right under the surface. Always ready to creep in. And at any moment, if I…

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My Plea, Please Don’t Criticize a Child in a Stroller

Here is my plea, from a mom. Please, pretty, please, don’t criticize a child, a teen, or an adult who is riding in a stroller. Even if they appear ‘normal. A few weeks ago, our family was out for a walk. I was carrying the baby on my chest in a carrier, Sawyer was riding his bike, and Jamie was pushing Cooper in the stroller. This was a pretty big deal for us. Just a short time ago we were unable to go for walks. But we practiced. We made…

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The 7 Stages of Special Needs Parenting

The first stage is denial, it wouldn’t happen to you, Your perfect little baby, you won’t believe it’s true. They can laugh, they can count; They’re so happy, so smart, But you have a sinking feeling, deep inside your heart. There’s something just not right, and other people see, ‘Oh look at how she moves her hands!’ And ‘It’s like she can’t hear me’ You mention it to someone, they say ‘No, I don’t think so’ But time passes and even they see the signs starting to show. Stage 2 is realisation that…

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I just Focused on Making Life Easier

This morning my son slept in until 7:30. That is unheard of for him. To say at age 8 we’ve had our fair share of sleep struggles is the understatement of the century. We live sleep struggles. But lately, we have some days that are better. Easier. Traditionally, he wakes up before 4 am, comes in our room, sets all of his treasures and blankets on the floor next to our bed, undresses, turns all the lights on, goes potty in our bathroom, and then stands next to my bed…

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The Day My Son Hit Me

Autism is a spectrum. My son Jayden is on the severe end of that spectrum but what I always have held on to is the fact that he has never been violent, and he still has not intentionally ever hit me in a violent manner. He has swatted at me when making him push through school lessons.  He has pushed me away when he did not want to do something. But he never hurt me, until today.  Today, he kicked me unintentionally when I was changing him and I saw…

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What is it like to be Non-Speaking?

I have no words to describe what your experience must be like. I have no words, because I simply don’t know what it’s like. Only you know, my sweet boy.  I have no words to describe what it must feel like to wake from a nightmare at three and a half years old, get out of bed silently, and run toward your parents’ room.  What is it like to hope you find the door open, so that you can run right in?  Sometimes, we forget to leave it open. Sometimes,…

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I Can’t Ever Die

I’m not sad about our lives. It’s never been sadness. Its been sheer terror. I have been terrified. What will his life be? We are so close to adulthood. What am I suppose to do now? Do the angry autism advocates online realize the thoughts running in my head? The ones where I can’t ever die because I have a child who will never live independently? Do they plan on picking him up and caring for him when I am 80? No, I’m not a “martyr mom”. I’m a terrified…

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