The 7 Stages of Special Needs Parenting
The first stage is denial, it wouldn’t happen to you,
Your perfect little baby, you won’t believe it’s true.
They can laugh, they can count; They’re so happy, so smart,
But you have a sinking feeling, deep inside your heart.
There’s something just not right, and other people see,
‘Oh look at how she moves her hands!’
And ‘It’s like she can’t hear me’
You mention it to someone, they say ‘No, I don’t think so’
But time passes and even they see the signs starting to show.
Stage 2 is realisation that your feelings might be right,
You Google signs and symptoms to gain some more insight.
Your stomach is in knots, your heart begins to pound,
You can’t quite catch your breath as you struggle with what you’ve found.
Time to seek some help, advice on what to do,
You hope the doctors disagree, they don’t, they see it too.
Months of observations, questions on repeat,
But you still won’t admit it’s true, you won’t admit defeat.
You just need that one person, to say it’s all ok,’
Don’t worry, I have no doubt that she’ll grow out of it one day.’
That day will never come, diagnosis day is here,
The professionals, they all agree on the word you’ve grown to fear.
That word is ‘Autism’, ‘On the spectrum’, ‘social issues’
A sympathetic head tilt as they pass a box of tissues.
Stage 3…..is grief, so very strange but true,
You grieve for a child that you thought you really knew.
It is so hard to explain, but this what you feel,
A pain inside your heart that will need some time to heal.
Stage 4 is guilt and blame. Did I do something wrong?
Is it the pills I had to take? Was my labour too long?
Anything and everything, You seek a reason why.
Pretend that you’re ok yet you sit alone and cry.
You cry at first for grieving when your child’s alive and well,
For wanting to have a ‘normal’ child, a secret you dare not tell.
So many thoughts and feelings that are out of your control,
An overwhelming sadness, until stage 5, anger takes its toll.
This is so not fair, there must be something we can do.
Researching for some sort of cure, recent studies, something new.
Why did this happen to us?
Why did this happen to our child?
The stress is overpowering, Your mind and thoughts run wild.
Stage 6 is a kind of numbness, where it dawns on you one day,
There’s not much that you can do, this will never go away.
So what are you going to do?
Just sit and mope forever?
You need to sort yourself out, pull yourself together.
Then it comes, the best part, it hits you with such force,
The way to stop this sadness?
Stage 7…Acceptance of course.
Your child is full of life, so happy and carefree,
They don’t let it get to them, why do I let it get to me?
They have their unique ways, strict routines and stims,
They flap around and make a noise, they do lots of funny things.
They may not communicate as well as all their peers,
But when they say a single word you cry such happy tears.
Every little thing they do is a blessing, a massive deal.
You celebrate such tiny things, that others may not feel.
“She looked at me last night, She said ‘hello’ today.
She’s paying attention to other kids.”
“She’s trying hard to play.”
Your beautiful child has autism,
They have a special way,
They’ll make you see things differently, cherish every day.
They’ll teach you to be patient, to not care what people say,
They’ll show you what true love is and make you proud each day.
Don’t worry about the future, focus on the here and now,
Don’t think that you can’t deal with it,
Your child will show you how.
Written by, Shelley Wilson
Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.
