Posts Tagged ‘autism acceptance’
I Don’t Want to Fight Anymore
Every morning I wake up to messages from people. Most are well-meaning. Many are kind. A few are awful. Some are bizarre. And some, tell me how to raise my son. And how I’m doing it wrong. They tell me what I should be doing, how I can do it better, and what I can and cannot say about him. I’ve gathered a list of what I cannot say. I cannot say he has autism. Or is autistic. I can’t say he is nonverbal or nonspeaking. I can’t say he…
Read MoreThankful for this Silence
My sweet boy, We just got back from a car ride. We do that sometimes. You and me. We used to ride around to help you calm down. A much-needed break for both of us to reset. Now we drive around and hunt for trains. Not a lot has changed over the years except now you are eleven. And you can buckle your own seatbelt. A skill we worked on for years. A skill that you are incredibly proud of. Every time we get in the car, I pause and…
Read MoreBecoming the Parent Your Child Needs
We don’t blend in, this kid and me. Not that we ever did, but I’ll admit when he was smaller it was easier. We got by with the graces people bestow on toddlers and energetic kindergarteners. But 11. Well, 11 is a whole different story. A tween. Eleven is four feet, eight inches tall. Eleven is feet that can slip my shoes on to run out the door. Eleven is shared sweatshirts with mom. T-shirts sometimes too. Eleven is big and loud and noticeable. Because eleven is a boy. A…
Read MoreShades of Grey
I never gave much thought to social norms before I had my son Cooper. Although I do remember a college professor speaking about them and advising each of us to stand backwards in an elevator and watch people squirm. Besides that though, I guess I have just always done them so they rarely cross my mind. That is until autism. My sweet boy is 11. He has blonde hair that is coarse like straw and ruddy cheeks, and he is entirely himself in every way. He doesn’t know how to…
Read MoreHe is Doing His Best
A while back we visited an arcade. It was a big adventure for our little family. Our middle son loves all things game. The baby loves tagging after his older brother. And Cooper, our eldest son, he is just starting to take in the world outside of our home. He loves exploring and experiencing the world on his own terms. He is eleven years old. He loves trains and postcards with animals on them. He also has autism. He is autistic. And according to some, nonspeaking. But he has so…
Read MoreA Love Letter to My Neurotypical Wife
Angela, my precious wife, friend, partner, and soulmate, I sit here, looking back over our life, together, having known you for literally half of my own lifetime. I am in awe. I remember your head poking out of the window of that van, and your goofy, funny, amazing, beautiful smile, the day we met. You waved to me, as your ride was parking. I felt a kind of burst, in that moment. I knew I could do this. I knew I could meet you and your companion, and I would…
Read MoreTo the People Who Live Outside Our World
To people who live outside of our world: I have a favor to ask you. When you see that child screaming uncontrollably on the floor of the supermarket. Stop. Pause. And… Before you blame the parents, Before you shake your head in disgust, Before you make snide comments about lack of discipline, And most importantly, before you judge the child, Stop. And know that… You may be seeing autism at its most challenging. It’s most confusing. A child who may simply have seen, heard, or smelled something new and not…
Read MoreYou Happily Went to School
My son, This morning you happily went to school. That sentence right there. I felt the tears pooling in my eyes as I typed it just seconds ago. Happily. Went. School. At 6 AM you used your words to say…’SS-OO-LL.’ You held up one finger to remind me that it’s Friday and you have one day of school. Then two days with mom and dad. You put your own shoes on, brought me your coat, gathered up your treasures, picked up your backpack, and waited calmly by the door. It…
Read MoreLean In
Sometimes I will be sitting in my living room, or taking a shower, or driving in my car, and all of a sudden feel a crippling fear. It will come out of nowhere almost consuming my thoughts. Paralyzing me. I will feel it so strongly that I will clutch my stomach or bring my hand to my head, as if trying to wipe away the worry. Cooper. My son. I’ll see a flash of his future. A glimpse twenty years from now. It’s not fear of the diagnosis. Or the…
Read MoreWhen You Hear Autism for the First Time
Did you fear the word autism the first time you heard it in relation to your child? This morning, I was asked why I feared the word autism in the beginning. The question came from an autistic gentleman in a completely non-judgmental way. I’m thankful he asked. It’s one of those questions that pushes me out of my comfort zone. One that prompts me to look inside myself. Look back. Be honest. And learn. When I heard the word autism for the first time in relation to Cooper, I was…
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