Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’
Stronger Than Anxiety
Happy Sunday from this kid. We’ve had an interesting day. He asked me for a train guide from 2007. I told him I’d do my best but reminded him that he was most likely setting me up for failure. He asks me for the most obscure things. He had faith in me though. I know because he asked me well over 100 times. He also asked me to go shopping. And for Amazon. And paper. And Target. When the Amazon van drove by I knew we were in trouble. I…
Read MoreHey You
Psst, hey. Look at me, I’m over here. Come close. I want to tell you something. You won’t win today. To be honest, I haven’t really noticed you in a while. I almost forgot about you. It seemed like the medicine was working and my son Jack was calmer and a little less agitated. Then, just last month, you returned with a vengeance—all ragged cuticles and sleepless nights. Anxiety. You would think I’d be used to you by now—that I could anticipate your next move, and figure out a solution,…
Read MoreThe Many Faces Of Anxiety
In this house anxiety is always present. It is attached to a little boy with blonde hair and hazel eyes. Some days it may hide, not showing on a cute picture, but on most days, it follows him like a shadow, waiting to remind us that it indeed rules. Today, anxiety is one sleep until the train museum. Yesterday, it was two sleeps. A week ago, seven sleeps. Anxiety is the calendar in our kitchen. TRAIN MUSEUM written in big blue letters. We talk about it a hundred times a…
Read MoreAutism and Anxiety
I have the most amazing son. He is 9-years-old. Almost double digits. He loves dancing and holding hands and Steve Harvey. He loves climbing in my bed at 1 am and carrying around 17 sheets of paper, all different colors of course. He smells like the wind. And he can find mud anywhere. He has autism. He is autistic. It is part of him like his blonde hair and ruddy eyes. He was nonverbal until he was 8-years-old. Today, he has 15 or so words. They come and go. He…
Read MoreMay We Learn
Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids, a handsome husband, and the best dog in the whole entire world. His name is Wolfie. My dog, not my husband. My husband’s name is Joe. We have four boys and one girl. Our second son, Jack, is diagnosed with autism. He is sixteen years old. He has had autism his whole entire life. I do not believe there is a cure. When I was young, I didn’t give a lot of thought to what kind of mother I might be.…
Read MoreEvery Part of You
I stand in the darkAt the side of your bedBeckoning your anxiety away Reassuring you I’m here-You’re safeYou’re lovedYou’re not alone Midnight hours tick away The morning will soon greet us I askAre you feeling sickHurtAre you afraid My questions are met with your silenceLeft suspended in the air You fall asleepBut not for longSleep never visits long I’m at the front line Fighting your silent warA war-Locked somewhere deep inside of you Sometimes its not so silent Its loud screamsHiding in small, dark spacesHysteriaHead bangingDangerous Self harmingEloping Isolation Sometimes there is no warIt’s Thomas the…
Read MoreHer Anxiety and Fourteen Steps
There are fourteen steps leading to the second story bedroom. Fourteen. That doesn’t seem like a huge number, but in our world, it is. My daughter Samantha is a brilliant, happy, loving, and beautiful 13 year old girl who was born with CHARGE Syndrome, and later diagnosed with Autism. She doesn’t speak much, and not many people can understand the words that she uses, but I can. She is not a typical teenage girl, she doesn’t understand make-up, Snap Chat, or why it’s important to have so many friends. She…
Read MoreThe Spiral Staircase
Questions filled my mind and I was unable to hear what the doctor was saying. I was sitting in her office listening to all she had to say about my three boys. The journey started what seemed like ages ago. I had been fighting to get to this very moment, but I wasn’t expecting this. It all started in 2017 with our youngest son Sawyer. We finally got a Pediatrician to listen to us and hear our concerns. We had no idea where the first referral would lead us. The…
Read MoreAnxiety, Depression and Social Media
If my sister was a teenager in today’s world of social media, she would be dead. I have no doubt about it. It was a miracle that she survived as it was, but had facebook, instagram, snap chat and tiktok been around then, I honestly do not think she would be here today. I absolutely hate the impact social media has on our teens today. My niece is 15 and we have already found her in situations she had no intentions of being in. And she has already found herself…
Read MoreI’m Not A Failure
I have to get this off my chest. This is a temporary feeling. All week… LIKE ALL WEEK. I’ve felt like a failure. Even though all week I’ve… “taken care of my daughter” “my bills are paid” “my house has food and clean clothes” and although “it’s not perfectly clean”, it’s okay enough to wait until my day off (tomorrow) to do the bigger chores. I’ve helped Gretchen, she pulled up her pajamas pants tonight. That might not seem like a big deal to most parents, but I arrived at…
Read More