Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’
The Battles and Blessings of Anxiety
The past couple of days have been tough ones. A triple dose of my daughter Casadee’s struggles with socializing and anxiety. We had planned a dinner date with her ‘boyfriend’ and his family so we could give Manny his birthday gift. Casadee had been looking forward to it and talking about it for days. We know plans with Casadee don’t always work out because of her social anxiety, so we are playing it cool and not saying much about it. Little reminders here and there. We’ve learned you can’t spring…
Read MoreMy Autistic Son and Anxiety
It’s a weird thing, anxiety. Purposefully placed inside our minds, as a means to keep us safe from outside harm. It’s there to keep us cautious and on our toes. And thank goodness for that. Can you imagine a world where you had none? Where you walk this earth fearful of nothing. Jumping from high spaces, running at full speed, no brakes, and carrying a “maybe deal with it later” mentality? I bet you answered “yes and no” to each of these. So did I. But my son, those answers…
Read MoreWaiting for Anxiety
My ten year old son has anxiety. Such a simple sentence. One that rolls off my tongue. Like my son has blonde hair or my boy loves trains. The meaning of the sentence is unbelievably complicated though. One with layers of meaning. Some people don’t believe in anxiety. They think it’s a made up thing. Maybe one time I did too. That was before my son. Before autism. Before I met the most amazing, complicated boy who uses movies to communicate. I think of his anxiety as a train sometimes.…
Read MoreYou Don’t Have to Walk This Path Alone
Sitting in the dark, of course I did it too. Too proud or too ashamed to show my tears. I remember my Gran: “You are one of us, we don’t cry, we straighten our back, chin up and smile head high, no matter what.” She told me that when I was slightly younger than my daughter. She was lecturing me because I cried over other kids bullying me. Tough skin, tough love. She was that kind of a woman. It also taught me not to show my hurt…my tears are…
Read MoreAutism’s Fingerprints
My name is Carrie, and I have five kids. My second son has autism. His name is Jack. He is sixteen. Autism impacts the way he eats, sleeps, learns, and moves. Let me tell you what else autism does. It takes a perfectly ordinary activity, and smudges it with its greasy fingerprints. It turns up the volume, and makes everything so bright and glaring, you have to squint to see any of the goodness that might be left. There is no manual for this—for figuring out how to clear through…
Read MoreWe Just Want to Help Our Son
I don’t understand anxiety but I’m trying. Most nights, after my son has fallen asleep, and I’ve tucked him in for the last time, I study his features and listen to his breathing. It is calm. Finally. When he sleeps, his worry is gone. It releases him for a few hours. I am thankful he can rest. Most nights I feel like a failure because I can’t take this burden from him. I can’t seem to fix it. Anxiety is slippery. It is sneaky and seemingly impossible to catch. But…
Read MoreDear Anxiety
Dear anxiety, You and me need to have a talk. Because this co-existing crap isn’t working anymore. We need to set up some rules. You have been with my son since birth, although, like his autism, we didn’t know until much later. You are a thief. A thief of joy, of calm, of growth. His and ours. I used to think of you as a monster. A loud, huge, lumbering monster coming right at us. Once I learned more about you, I could see you plain as day. You didn’t…
Read MoreWhen it Snows
Research says people with autism often struggle with crushing anxiety, and may have a hard time forging meaningful connections with family, friends, and various social groups. When I read things like this, I see little more than a collection of letters on a page. As hard as I try, I cannot find my son within the sentences. And yet it is true, about the anxiety and the struggle to connect. Most of it, anyway. Or maybe some of it. { 5:46 in the morning } Mom. Mom. Wake up. Jack,…
Read MoreMy Child is More Than a Diagnosis
Autism. Borderline Intellectual Functioning. Anxiety. Complex Medical Profile. Severe Speech Delay. Risk for ADHD. As I sit and read my five year old daughter’s recent neuropsych evaluation, I can’t help but feel helpless when I repeat these words in a continuous loop in my head. My daughter was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2 (rare for a girl) and we have moved the moon and stars to give her what she needs to be successful and most importantly, happy. And she is. She’s come so far. The…
Read MoreThe Hard Doesn’t Own Me
We’re not supposed to complain. Special needs families, that is. The world calls you an ableist when you lament an ability or lack thereof. I’ve never felt this child of mine was lacking. He’s nothing short of amazing. How could someone so funny and clever and filled with light be anything besides perfection? But, boy, is he hard. Nearly seven years of eternal toddlerhood and a few words repeat themselves on the many pages of his complicated history. Developmental delay, genetic disorder, autism, anxiety, adhd. These are the tricky pieces…
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