Posts Tagged ‘accepting special needs’
Trusting the Process
Cooper started Occupational Therapy last night. More therapy. More forms. More time. More time away from Sawyer. More everything. I want to be positive. I want to trust the process. I want to believe that it will work. But…. I kinda, sorta think I have the only kid that therapy won’t help. Less than a year ago we were doing speech 3 times a week and OT as well. We were doing social groups and ECFE and IEPs and parent groups. And it didn’t work. I think it actually did more…
Read MoreMother's Day. Sigh.
This is the 4th year that I have been a mama. I spent a good chunk of yesterday thinking about Cooper’s past birthdays. About all the holidays. And Halloweens. God I hate Halloween now. Any event where Cooper has to participate is the devil to me. Expectations kill me. Valentines Day. No valentines for us. And Easter Egg hunts. And then I thought about the future. This kid is going to be five. He has no words. He has very little awareness. He is going to lose his first tooth soon. And…
Read MoreAsking the World to Change
I was at a retail store this past weekend and watched a mom struggling to manage her son during a meltdown. I started thinking about how not that long ago I would have never, ever, ever taken Cooper shopping. At least not on my own. He would run and shriek and I would sweat and cry and vow to never do it again. And finally, when Cooper was 1 1/2 or so I stopped. We stopped going to restaurants and events and whatever other places people go to. There is a…
Read MoreI Saw the Future
Our family spent the night at a water park on Sunday. Cooper comes alive in the water. It is the one and ONLY activity that he enjoys more than watching his movies. He puts his life jacket on and bobs around and swims. It’s pretty dang cute. And he is so independent in the water. That is wonderful to see. Usually I am the one talking about autism with people. So I was surprised when we sat down in the hot tub and I heard a women talking with Jamie…
Read MoreComing out
Today is World Autism Day. Whoops. Dropped the ball on that one. I didn’t even know there was such a thing. But I probably should know that…MOMMY FAIL. I am staring at Facebook right now and trying to decide if I want to post anything. If I do, then everyone knows that my son has autism. If I don’t, I feel like I am shaming it. Such an odd feeling. What if people look at it and feel bad for me. For our family. I don’t want that. But everyone should know…right? I’m not embarrassed.…
Read MoreWe Are Moving Forward.
If you talk with a parent of a special needs child they will talk about their journey. And the diagnosis. For some people they are shocked when the diagnosis comes. For others, it happens more slowly. It evolves I guess. Whichever path you are on there will ALWAYS be parts that hurt. Look at me. I am doing better every day. I really am. But I still have very lows moments and days. Moments where I cry in private. Moments where I watch Cooper closer than I’ve ever watched Sawyer.…
Read MoreThe Sweetest Boy
I don’t know a lot about other autistic children. Hell, I often feel like I have the only nonverbal autistic child in the world. Which I know can’t be true. But it sure feels that way. When I think about a child having a disorder that affects socialization and language my logical (or ignorant) side always assumed they wouldn’t be sweet. Or crave love and affection. But that is the opposite of Cooper. Cooper is so unbelievably sweet. This kid physically doesn’t know how to be mean. Or how to…
Read MoreWord Vomitting and Hating Yourself After
I said something really horrible about autism. And it wasn’t in the privacy of my own home after few glasses of wine like a good mother would do. It was a full blown word vomit in front of Cooper’s doctor. Sometimes I feel like I am the only mom in the world that has these thoughts. Or at least the only mom that shares them with the world. We brought Cooper to the doctor for his pre-op physical a few days ago. Per the usual Cooper tore that room apart. He gets in these…
Read MoreHaving the Only Autistic Kid at the Party
I want to tell you something I’ve learned. If you read my blog regularly you know that I talk mostly about my experiences raising an autistic child and how they make ME feel. I feel like I rarely ever give advice because I spend 95% of the time in survival mode. And autism is the biggest mystery in the world to me. But I try to help when I can. So I am pretty excited to say that I had an epiphany this weekend. I guess you could call it self growth.…
Read MoreMostly, Autism Is Just Lonely….
You can ask any autism parent about what it’s like to raise a little person with a big diagnosis. You will get many answers about what it’s like. And that’s because there are no two autistic people that are the same. And on top of that, I think parents acknowledge and accept it in different ways. For me autism is frustrating. And exhausting. And heartbreaking. And dreadfully hopeful. And painful. And above all a process. A slow process that crawls along with glimpses of the future. Autism is expensive. And SO…
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