Guest Post
The Fear of the Unknown
I’ve been scouring the internet like a crazy person for the past 3 months. I’ve downloaded all of the packets from autism websites. I’ve obsessed over all of the milestones that we aren’t hitting. All of the red flags. I’ve called specialists and early intervention and therapists. I’ve read and watched and listed to articles, videos, and podcasts about research and diets and advice for parents of newly diagnosed. I’ve read all the blogs and sought out wisdom from mothers who have been on this journey for a while. All…
Read MoreAutism and Wandering
It’s just after 11pm. My nonverbal autistic son is usually (and by usually I mean always) in bed (and by bed I mean on the floor behind the door of his room) by 8:45pm. Not tonight. Dawson has been impressing me with all of his newly founded abilities, which he performs independently. Putting his dishes in the sink. Putting his shoes away. Pulling his pants up when he is done with the restroom. Climbing on top of things to access what he feels he needs…you wouldn’t believe the type of…
Read MoreShe Doesn’t Look Autistic
“She doesn’t look autistic.” “Are you sure?” “Autism is just the new ADHD.” “Oh, I would have never known.” “But she’s so pretty!” These are all responses I have heard when I first tell someone about my daughter’s autism diagnosis. I am always walking a fine line when it comes to telling people. It’s not because I’m embarrassed or don’t want to talk about it. I am a proud mom and autism is not a bad word in our home (disability in general is not). No, I usually don’t want…
Read MoreBesties Growing Up Together
I’m sitting here on my lonely bench, watching the friends I grew up with laugh, enjoy each other’s company and continue to build the amazing relationships that I SO desperately want to be apart of. I’m watching what should have been my life right before me and it stings hard. Like only the raw, heartbroken teenage-outcast burn can sting. Except….. I’m not a teenager. These are not my friends and this is not my life…but damn it feels so hard on my heart. Honestly, this is the best way I…
Read MoreThank You Autism
Ever since the age of 7, when I got the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” my response has always been “A teacher!”. I was one of the lucky ones who never had a single doubt about what I wanted to be, I went to college with a plan, in four years I would be in a classroom full of 20 or so little smiling faces that I would get to call my class! It only took me one semester to figure out that being…
Read MoreTo the Person at Peace with Autism
I have seen your comments on my favorite blogs. I have thought about your stance. I could feel your frustration with mine. I can imagine and see your side of this. But I would be lying if I said I fully understood it. And I don’t think you fully understand mine. But I hope you can try to understand my thoughts as much as I am trying to understand yours. From the moment I gave birth to my beautiful girl, I have never felt so in tune with another human…
Read MoreThe Scarlet A(wareness) of Autism
I have never been a huge fan of the word aware, even well before my son was diagnosed with autism. The term itself is a copout, really, claiming the basest level of understanding. I am aware I have a shopping addiction. Terrific. Now what? The educator in me would prefer awareness to sit lower than comprehension, even lower than knowledge within that famous hierarchy of learning. I feel the act of claiming awareness in order to make oneself feel sufficiently enlightened, wise, or in-the-know is, well, lame. One of the finest qualities an individual can possess, in…
Read MoreOh, the Places You’ll Go
As any new mom would, when I was first pregnant I spent my time obsessing. I don’t know why I hated every baby name or why I thought my baby would be nameless. I spent my time reading through baby journals and articles. And in that time I read that babies develop hearing while in utero and that was it. So, we bought a book. Daddy would read aloud near my growing belly. This was going to be his book. I remember we searched for the most perfect book. I…
Read MoreFinding a Way to Help my Son
I’m going to share something with you that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be strong enough to share with people outside of our world. But first let me ask you this question… If you had a secret that ultimately was the turning point on why your nonverbal, aggressive, severely autistic son could continue to live with your family, would you share? This is something that I’ve gone back and forth with in my mind whether to share and to be quite honest I don’t know completely why. So what if…
Read MoreThe Moment Autism Changed Me
To My Dear Husband, I vividly remember our first date. I was 16 years old and you picked me up in a parking lot across the street from my friend’s house so my parents wouldn’t know. Let’s be honest, it was a disaster. We went to the movie theater and I paid for our tickets, you awkwardly put your arm around my shoulder for 5 minutes near the end of the movie and we did not speak to each other for years. You went on to have a beautiful daughter,…
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