Finding a Way to Help my Son

IMG_1920 (1)

I’m going to share something with you that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be strong enough to share with people outside of our world.

But first let me ask you this question…

If you had a secret that ultimately was the turning point on why your nonverbal, aggressive, severely autistic son could continue to live with your family, would you share?

This is something that I’ve gone back and forth with in my mind whether to share and to be quite honest I don’t know completely why.

So what if people don’t agree — that’s okay. It’s not for everyone so what. And to be quite honest I could really care less.

Those are the very people that are going to judge me for the brave decision I made when I ultimately decided to try something so controversial in order to keep my son safely at home.

And those people don’t deserve to get a glimpse into our life.

Those people were not with me in the trenches day in and day out when I was trying so desperately to help my son.

I went to every doctor and tried every pharmaceutical medication but they came with horrible blood draws where Cody was forced to be held down.

The grueling side effects from the medication was not something I was going to tolerate and with every new doctor appointment they would just increase the dose.

It just wasn’t working and he was suffering needlessly and I refused to continue on that road.

I am on board with whatever ultimately works and never judge anyone for the decisions they make.

I have never regretted the decision to try medical cannabis for my son.

I knew that if I didn’t find something to really help my son with his aggression that one day he would no longer be with us.

That. Is. The. Truth.

Nobody was with me all the years he was so aggressive in all his rages and property destruction.

No one was with me when I had to do everything in my power to keep him safe.

No one was with me — I was all alone.

No one truly knows what it’s like to have a little boy who can’t communicate and you’re struggling so desperately to understand him all while he’s so explosive.

It’s like living in a war zone with a ticking time bomb.

The tension is indescribable. And I was so very alone and in a desperate plea for help.

No one — not anyone ever answered that call.

I called out so many times and still no one helped. I asked everyone I had access to. And still nothing.

I was hung up on multiple times and left alone with a child so aggressive I would sit and sob. Those were the hardest years.

I had two very young little boys who were looking to me for guidance and I was quickly and rapidly falling apart.

I hated getting up in the mornings because I knew Cody would be in a rage.

I would go into his room to wake him full of great anticipation.

I’d think today it’ll be better. He’ll be different — today will be the day.

He’ll be better. The aggression somehow will be gone. But it never happened.

I would slowly, ever so carefully try to wake him up. Oh, so, lovingly and he would lash out screaming and flailing, leaping out of bed swiping and kicking at me.

I would simply turn away with tears running down my face and slowly walk out of his room.

This happened day after day — year after year.

I honestly don’t know how I kept going. I had hope every single day that this day is going to be different. But it never was.

I knew no one was going to help me and I would eventually lose my son. I wouldn’t be able to care for him much longer if something didn’t change.

I stayed up late at night researching everything I could get my hands on regarding autism and aggression.

Now I knew his aggression was because he couldn’t communicate but I also knew that he couldn’t learn anything because of his aggression. He needed help.

I was slowly losing my son and knew he would be placed somewhere out of my care without any input from me.

I would have to sign my rights away possibly.

I knew what would happen to him too. He would be isolated, restrained and heavily medicated.

I just couldn’t live with myself if that happened and I was willing to try anything no matter what.

I didn’t even care at that very moment how controversial medical cannabis was. I was so very desperate.

I HAD TO FIND A WAY TO HELP MY SON WHEN NOBODY ELSE WOULD.

Before you judge me for doing everything I could to help my son and still coming up emptyhanded — ask yourself what would you have done?

I would have lost my son to a world that doesn’t understand him. A world that refuses to help him and would simply throw him away without any regard.

A world so far from ever understanding severe nonverbal aggressive autism.

I will never apologize for doing what I continue to do every single day and Cody remains happily with his family.

I so wanted my son’s story to have a happy ending… and I most definitely, without a doubt, have done just that.

Written by Leasa Hoogerwerf

My name is Leasa.  I am the mom of Cody who is 17 years old and diagnosed with severe autism.  We were told to institutionalize him early on and decided to do the complete opposite keep him with us, love him and work with him nonstop.  Cody spoke his very first word at 9 years old.  I started Cody Speaks to document our journey and share with others hope and encouragement.

Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

Avatar photo

Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

Share this post:

3 Comments

  1. Josephine on March 25, 2019 at 4:33 pm

    No judgement here. Good for you!



  2. erin on March 25, 2019 at 6:40 pm

    i didn’t even know cannibis (medical or otherwise) was controversial. it’s not here in southern california. people are so ridiculous, i swear. good for you!



  3. Erin on March 25, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    *cannabis