Guest Post
He Loves You Kiddo
He loves you kiddo. I know it’s hard to see since he doesn’t care too much to play with you. Closing in on 5 years old, and missing half your school year, you need a lot more socialization than you get from a brother with autism, work from home dad, and the homeschooling/teletherapy/snack juggling mom. You often ask why your brother doesn’t talk or play, won’t ride bikes, and tears down forts once you build them. I overhear you trying to play, and I can’t truly describe what it feels…
Read More10 Things That Helped Me During Meltdowns As An Autistic Child
One of the more common questions I get asked as a professional speaker and autism self-advocate is about my communication challenges. After this question though the majority of the questions are about my previous meltdowns due to sensory-overload. As a nonverbal child until I was 3, most people think my main obstacle was communication when actually it was sensory integration dysfunction. My main challenges included loud noises, inclement weather, bright lights and not being able to be bathed until 18 months old due to the textural feeling of water on…
Read MoreWhen You Become a Parent
When you become a parent, you start to understand that the world around you is a completely different place than you previously thought. Your priorities, goals, and literal realities all change. You think about and plan for baby’s first steps and words, the ups and downs of potty training, learning sports, teenage woes, driving, your kids finding lifelong partners, and eventually grandchildren. It is the most beautiful part of life when you get to see the life you created, flourish. And regardless of how many children you have, you are…
Read MoreA Father Who Stays
I made a list once of all the great qualities and traits the perfect boyfriend would have. As a middle schooler the most important thing to me was personality. I loved to laugh so he needed to be funny. The list also included blonde hair, green or blue eyes, tall, good looking, nice, romantic, outgoing and other superficial things. As I matured, the shallowness of my list dwindled and I realized the qualities that truly mattered in a partner. Hair and eye color wasn’t a big deal anymore. He didn’t…
Read MoreThe Pause
For the last three and a half years I’ve told you I loved you every night before bed. As a baby I would hold you close in your snuggly swaddle. You eyes would get heavy and your small body would melt into mine. It would feel like an eternity since you hated to sleep. Fear of missing out people would joke. As your beautiful baby blues would eventually close you face would be so peaceful. I would ever so carefully place you in your crib with promises to see you…
Read MoreSometimes Autism Keeps You From Me
I’ve wondered, when did autism purloin you? Did it creep in one night, and snatch the words from your tongue? When did it show up, and make it so hard for you to look at me? I want to hold you. I want to hug you. I want to play with you and sing with you. I want to hear you say you love me… Autism. Sometimes it keeps you from me. You don’t always want to look at me. You don’t always want to be held, or hugged, or…
Read MoreMore Than Just A Word
I find myself talking a lot lately about speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. For me it’s personal. I feel things now and see things now in a way I never did before I was a mom, but truthfully mostly before I was Brendan’s mom. I often wish I could scream at the world…don’t you see it, how can you not? And then I remind myself, I didn’t always see it either. And not because I didn’t care. I didn’t see it because it didn’t affect me.…
Read MoreI Hope You Know
My sweet girl, You have no idea how much I love you. But the truth is, I don’t yet know how much you love me either. We are a mommy and daughter communicating in different languages and I am still desperately trying to learn yours. You don’t hug or kiss me yet, but that’s okay. I just want to know…. Do you feel loved when I hug and kiss you? When I smile and tickle you? When I sit and try to play with you? When I sing for you…
Read MoreWe’re Still Blaming Mothers
In the 1950s, it was “refrigerator mother” syndrome. Autism, they said, was the result of a mother’s relational coolness. Today, it’s “toxic mother” syndrome. Autism, they say, is the result of a mother’s toxic burden. I spoke with a homeopath over Skype this week. As I started to tell her a little about my eight-year-old son, who has nonverbal autism, she interrupted me. “You’ve got a face full of acne, eh?” I just stared at the computer screen. “Eh?” she repeated, gesturing to her own face. “Right,” I admitted. “And…
Read MoreFifteen Years of Autism Awareness
I approached this last Autism Awareness Month differently than I have in the past. Somehow, it’s not mine anymore…It’s hers. Don’t get me wrong, I will continue to fight for my daughter, Lizzie, every day, and I will openly share about our lives to help others understand the dire unmet needs of our community. But, experiencing autism for over fifteen years has allowed my emotions to stabilize and a different perspective to set in. This is how my Autism Awareness Day has changed over the years: It has only been…
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