Autism
The Mystery of Time
Before I became a mother I didn’t understand how complicated time could be. You know that old saying…the days are long but the years are short? I’m feeling that right now. The days are so long. Sometimes unbearable. I pray for a second to be a human, without someone climbing on me. But then I wonder how my babies can be 8, 6 and 1 already. How is that possible? I swear I was just in college last year. Most days feel like a blur. Like a race to see…
Read MoreMy Hopes Are Not Wrong
I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. And somehow, no matter where I am on the ‘hope for his future’ spectrum, I seem to have the wrong amount for some people. If I hope for words, I am told I should really be hoping for communication. If I hope for independent living, I am told that I’m not accepting reality.…
Read MoreMy Son, You Are Kind
‘Thanks for coming to my conferences mama.’ Of course buddy. ‘Did you like my owl? They are nocturnal. There is a girl I like. I’m going to ask her on a date on the last day of school. Then if she says no I won’t have to see her for the whole summer.’ That’s seriously genius. But you are too young to date. ‘I’m not doing for very good in reading. I’m trying. I need to stretch the words more. But it’s hard for me.’ You are doing just fine…
Read MoreHow Does Having a Child with Special Needs Make you Feel?
Then she said as I was walking away, ‘but how does having a child with special needs make you feel? Deep down?’ I stopped in my tracks. I whipped my head around, almost as if I’d been slapped. ‘Why don’t you come back and share with the group Kate. What are you feeling?’ I just stared at her. This lady. Some nerve. Trying to get to the center of my feelings. Trying to dredge them up. All so we can talk about them. And I can heal. That’s the goal…
Read MoreIf We Want Success, Than Follow Her IEP
Today I volunteered at my daughter’s school in her Kindergarten classroom for their Halloween party. It was a quick visit to drop off cupcakes and help out for a little bit. Of course, the moment I entered the room the school psychologist asked me to visit his office on my way out. But Ally came running over to me with excitement and I tried to forget what awful news they had for me. I helped kids make little ghosts with glue and cotton balls and they all followed directions and…
Read MoreAlways Read The Chart
I brought my dog Chloe to the vet tonight. She has an ear infection. I was dreading bringing her. See, a month or so ago I brought my other dog here because he was sick. And he never came home. I’m not over it. Not even close. Now I know to some people dogs are just dogs. But to me, he was my first baby, my constant, and my happiest hello. Putting him to sleep was traumatic for me. And not just the process. For starters I had never done…
Read MoreA Baby After Autism
As I was looking at our recent family photos, I started thinking about all the joy this baby has brought to our family. And how I can’t really remember a time before him. In a way, he healed us. He healed the wounds that weren’t necessarily visible on the surface. He’s the brother Sawyer dreamed of. Sawyer spends so much time kissing him. Holding him. And talking to him. He’s told me, ‘I’m not lonely anymore mama.’ And then there is Cooper. The one I was the most nervous about.…
Read MoreTwo Brothers, Both Perfect
From day one, my boys have been entirely different. One loves playing, sports, friends, toys, eating, and sleeping. The other one…not so much. One loves parades, fireworks, Easter egg hunts and carving pumpkins. So much so that he can hardly stand waiting. Pumpkin carving is supposed to be happening tonight, when the whole family is here. But he can’t stand it. He’s just so excited. It’s the first thing he asked for this morning when he woke up and his immediate request when he got off the bus. The other one…
Read MoreGive Your Child A Voice
This morning I had a conversation with my nonverbal son. A real one without words. To all of the mamas and dads out there with children who do not speak verbally, hang on. Never give up hope. Keep working towards functional communication. I sat on the couch drinking my coffee. He sat next to me immersed in his trains. I asked him if something happened at school yesterday. He grunted ‘yea.’ I asked him if there was a little boy who frustrates him. He grunted ‘yea.’ Now this isn’t the…
Read MoreMy Son was Assaulted and he Couldn’t Tell Me
A while back my son was kicked by a person that was supposed to be caring for him. It happened one day and I didn’t find out until the next. He came home from school like any other day. He was happy. He was smiling. He asked for a cookie and his Kindle. We played. Had dinner. Took a walk and then a bath. And he went to bed. I had no idea he had been kicked multiple times at school that day. The next morning I received a phone…
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