Autism
I had Expectations
I read a quote today on Pinterest while I was hiding in the bathroom for five minutes listening to the chaos of my life outside the door. Babies crying. Kids arguing. Jamie babbling about how I have too many shoes. You know. Life. The quote said something like…sometimes we create our own heartbreak through expectation. Now if that ain’t just the honest to God truth. Expectations. We all have them. We all set them. With adulthood, marriage, parenting, holidays, even our careers. We have them because we are human. I…
Read MoreWhat Color Shirt Was He Wearing?
The scariest moments of my life happened tonight. On a Monday in November. A normal day. A dark night. Not too cold. Sawyer left the house to play at 4:17 pm. I didn’t pay attention to what he was wearing because I was unloading the dishwasher and feeding the baby. We had just finished an argument about Pokémon cards. I told him he couldn’t take them out of this house. He disagreed. I yelled. He yelled back. So honestly, I breathed a sigh when he left. Silence. It had been…
Read MoreThe Importance of a Family Restroom
Before I had a son with autism, I feel like I was oblivious to a lot of things. I foolishly assumed that all kids went to restaurants, and used public restrooms and even transitioned from riding in a cart to walking. I didn’t know that some children are deathly afraid of automatic flushing toilets and hand dryers. I didn’t know that some parents are unable to go into gas stations or even go through drive thrus. But the biggest thing that I never even gave a second thought too…was public…
Read MoreKeep Moving Forward
So, I am sitting here, once again thinking about progress. And how important it is to stand still and reflect on much can change in a year. See, we stood still for years in the progress department. Any movement felt backwards. As a mom, I simply could not figure out how to get us moving forward. I felt like I was beating my head against a wall at times. But time, it has a way of happening. And all of a sudden, I look back and realize, we are in…
Read MoreThey Will Always Have Each Other
On particularly emotional parenting days I’ll watch them sleep. Brothers. Two years apart. One on a typical path with friends, sports, and 1st grade. The other on his own path. Doing everything at his own pace. They share a bed. Neither one acknowledging the other one until bedtime. 8:30 will roll around. Sawyer will still be in the backyard hitting baseballs or riding his bike over a jump with his friends. Like clockwork, Cooper will look around, grab his blanket with one hand, put his other hand on his check…
Read MoreTo the Mama who Wonders Why
I’m giving you this baby. He won’t be like the other ones. Maybe you’ll know from day one. Maybe it will take time. But eventually, you come to realize that something is different. It’s going to be hard at first. Not the love part. That part will be easy. But the fight to figure out what and why. That part will leave you depleted in a way that feels almost impossible to explain. You will be pushed to your limits. You are going to question everything you’ve ever done and…
Read MoreMy Son, Always Be Kind
Sawyer could hardly contain his excitement as we entered the gym for his friend’s birthday party. Hockey, basketball, cake and a bounce house. It doesn’t get much better than that in the eyes of a six-year-old. He dropped his present on the table as I checked him in. I caught him just before he ran off. I bent down on my knee to check his shoe laces and give him a quick hug. As I stood up I said the same thing I say every single time I leave my…
Read MoreAt Your Lowest Point, Have Faith
I should be at church right now. There are a whole lotta reasons why I’m not. Sawyer is at hockey practice with Jamie. I have no one to watch Cooper. I need to pack for our trip and clean our house and grocery shop and make the itinerary for the grandparents. Anyhow, I’m sitting here, drinking coffee, watching two of my boys play, and thinking about faith. It’s no secret that my son is thriving. We’ve figured out how to help him in all the ways that he needs help.…
Read MoreIt’s the Isolation That’ll Get Ya
For me, as a mom, the isolation has always been the hardest part. We couldn’t go anywhere. And I mean anywhere. We couldn’t go to birthday parties, parks, movies, restaurants, Christmas dinner at a friends house, the grocery store or Target. We couldn’t go to gas stations or parades or swimming pools. Parents of older kids told me to keep trying. Keep going. Keep practicing. Leave if it doesn’t work. But it wasn’t the easy. I couldn’t get him out of the car. I couldn’t get him in the building. If…
Read MoreI Need You To Promise Me
A glimpse inside the secret world of special needs parenting: I was packing for my first trip away from my boys in ages. My husband was watching the game. I was mindlessly throwing stuff in a bag. Rushed of course. Drinking a glass of wine. Worrying. Rushing. I was talking through my time away. The schedule and such. Cooper has speech therapy on Tuesday and Friday. Sawyer has hockey on Wednesday and Saturday. Don’t forget Cooper’s meds. The baby has daycare these days. Don’t forget his butt cream. I was…
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