Autism
When Vacationing Is “Brave”
‘You’re so brave for going on vacation without your kids. I could never do that as a mother.’ Hold up. Stop the train. What a thing to read at 3 am. That is what we call a backhanded compliment. I get them all the time. But this one, well, it struck a nerve. See, I did go on vacation. I abandoned my three sweet boys and husband to go to Disney for four blissful days. I pushed pause on my own work, canceled therapy appointments and organized what I could…
Read MoreHe Said He Can’t Breathe, Mama
Last night, I was glued to the local news, when my son came paddling down the stairs in his pajamas. His hair was crazy messed and his skin tan from the sun already, even though it is still only May. It was 10:17 pm. He should have been sleeping. He knew that. I knew that. But he also knew that there was some sort of flashy light noise thingy keeping him awake. At least that is what he tried to convince me of. I was tired of bedtime negotiations and…
Read MoreMy Sweet Boy, Mama is Happy
My Sweet Boy, Last night we went for a walk around the neighborhood. It was supposed to be me, you, your two brothers and Dad. A family walk. But, well, it didn’t go as planned. But what does these days I guess. If autism and a global pandemic has taught us one thing it’s…’hold on.’ I wouldn’t say it’s been all bad though. I would even dare to say that our family has gotten stronger through all of this. Spending 24 hours a day together for eternity will do that.…
Read MoreOwning Asperger’s
It was six years ago this summer that Asperger’s was first mentioned in regards to me; I was 20 years old. At first I thought people only knew if I told them; I’ve since found out that people often just figure it out and some have even known longer than I have. Since finding this out in 2012, I’ve been working through some negative emotions including embarrassment and anger and I think these have been exacerbated by a feeling that I have to keep this diagnosis a secret. Well, I…
Read MoreThe Year of Acceptance
I was headed to get my son Jd his favorite food at the food stop next door when I heard the older boy’s voice. It caught me off guard. I saw his dad next to him, paying for the delicious hotdog on a stick. This was our second time attempting to eat outside of our box as a family, since our son’s ear tubes were placed. Before his surgery this outing wasn’t even thinkable let alone doable. I vowed to myself that if Jd was actually able to hear that…
Read MoreEndless Nights
There are 24 hours in a day. Every hour is 60 minutes. But I am quite sure the hours between 1:00 and 6:00 AM are at LEAST 6000 minutes each. Lonely hours spent alone with my thoughts. I have been awake during these hours because I am feeding an infant. I have been up because I have insomnia and can’t sleep. I have been awake because I suffer from chronic pain or a cold and so I just can’t get comfortable. A sick and hospitalized child or other loved one…
Read MoreWhat They Don’t See
They don’t see how much you are struggling just to enter a room full of people. They don’t see your mom cringing and scanning the room immediately for triggers or danger. They don’t see how bright the lights are or how loud the conversations can be to your beautiful brain. They don’t understand why you cover your ears, bite your shirt, or self injure because the anxiety is too much to handle and your meltdown is not a typical toddler meltdown and you don’t know how to self soothe. They…
Read MoreJoin Coop’s Troops
When my son’s was diagnosed with autism at age 3, neither my husband nor I knew a child with autism. My husband and I were alone. We would say all the time…where are the families like ours? The ones who can’t leave the house? Where are the kids like Cooper? Where are the siblings like Sawyer? I searched for 8 years and never found them. So I created it. I would love to invite you to join Coop’s Troops, an online subscription group for parents of children and adults with…
Read MoreI Know People Watch Us
I know people watch us. I know because I see their faces dart away when I meet there eyes. What they don’t know is if they kept looking, if they met my eyes, they’d see I was smiling. They’d see that I was inviting them in our secret world. Cooper and I just went for our first walk of the year. It’s 45 degrees today in Minnesota. That’s practically summer for us. And also a temperature that Cooper has deemed warm enough to venture outside. Typically, it’s like pulling teeth…
Read MoreWhy I Exercise…
The message said something like…‘why are women like you so obsessed with being skinny? I just don’t get it. And I have three kids. I don’t have time to go to the gym.’ It went on from there. They always do. I’ve been thinking about that message for days now. Especially every single time I squeeze my fat ass into jeans that are too tight or feel my bra fat bulge when I pick up one of my kids. Being shamed for exercising. That’s new one. Heck yes I want…
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