Autism
You are an Amazing Special Needs Sibling
Dearest Daughter of mine, I don’t know how I would do this thing called life without you! Having a little brother with a disability isn’t an easy job. But you do it with such grace and empathy. Every day from the moment we wake up you start caring for your brother. Before I even make it downstairs you grab him a drink and make sure he has gone to the bathroom. You do these things without me even asking. You bring so much light and joy to our family. I…
Read MoreMy Son, You Have Taught Me Amazing Things
A letter to my son, As we approach your 3rd birthday I can’t help but reflect back on these past years. It’s just been you and I from the start. And although some day’s feel like an eternity, I still catch myself wondering ‘where has the time gone?’ God made me the luckiest woman alive when he chose me to be your mom. Thank you for your tender kisses, and for your ferocious hugs. For showing me in return all the heart and soul I have poured into you,and for…
Read MoreThe Woman Who Showed Me How To Get Through The Hard
Genevieve Ann. There’s a lot that I can say about her. She’s fierce. She makes me laugh. I know if I call her I’ll feel better. I don’t dare miss a Thursday call from her. It’s been our thing since I was little. There was that one time in college where she called me 3x’s upset that I didn’t call her because it’s Thursday. Then she realized it was Wednesday. She and my Papa made quite a team. I remember I wanted my marriage with whoever I married to be…
Read MoreMy Son, You are Mine and I am Yours
To my Johnny, I can see it now; The chaos, the fear, the love, the moment you entered the world. It was 10:31pm and the room was full. Nurses and staff running about, Gad, Grammy and your Aunt cheering with joy, machines beeping and a baby crying. In a strangely unceremonious way you were laid down on my chest facing away from me, curled up in the only position you had ever known. I remember trying to ask if I could see your face and it going unheard. I felt…
Read MoreTo My Daughter’s Birth Mom
Always and in so many silly ways, we love you. Through the remarkably challenging stuff and each heart warming moment, I think of you and I love you. In struggle and in triumph, her dad and I stick to the promises we made with you, six years ago today. When Seeley notices her remarkable hair, she thanks you. When she finds an eyelash and doesn’t want to wish for a pet jellyfish, she sometimes sends you her extra wishes. When she catches a fall on her big biscuits, she screams…
Read MoreA Love Letter to a Fellow Autism Mom
The love language for a special needs parent to feel seen, accepted, and understood is as simple as a head nod, and a “me too” on a zoom call or a quick chat on the phone. Or maybe even in the grocery store where your child is having a hard time. If you’ve ever been that person for another special needs mom, you’ve changed their life, you’ve made them feel seen, and they thank you for it. Thank you for sharing your story of walking through the hard, so that…
Read MoreThe Guilt I Carry Because I was the Neurotypical Sibling
For most 18 year olds, leaving home to go to college is a rollercoaster of emotions. This next chapter can bring feelings of excitement at the new freedoms ahead or nervousness to leave parents and the comfort of home. And while I had those typical emotions, I had one feeling that far outweighed all of the others. Guilt. What could an 18-year-old, ready to take on college in the pursuit of her future career, possibly have to feel guilty about? I was leaving my brother behind. My big brother, who…
Read MoreAcceptance Is Not About Resignation
The special needs “warrior mother” is a well-known figure. She’s the mother that kept pushing, read all the literature, challenged the doctors, demanded services, lobbied congress: in short, she changed the world and then went on Oprah to promote the book. Chances are she’s reading this right now… boy, am I in trouble! Yet how often do we hear of the warrior fathers? Crickets. When I first heard the experts murmur the A word, my defense mechanisms kicked into high gear and I immediately erected a wall of denial around…
Read MoreYou Don’t Have to Earn the Right to Inclusion
Will my daughter ever have a friend? Will other kids see how funny and smart she is even if she never speaks? Will they tease and ignore her? Will they be scared of her? When she gets older, will she join a team or a club? Will she meet a kindred spirit who sees her for all that she is and what she can do, instead of who she isn’t and the things that she can’t? Most parents worry about their kids belonging at some point in their parenting journey,…
Read MoreThere’s Nothing ‘High Functioning’ About It
My son Daniel has been challenging since the beginning. He is strong-willed with a big personality and has even bigger feelings. He cried all the time as a baby. I attributed his big emotions back then to him being in pain. He had a cast on his leg the first few months of his life due to his club foot. It never occurred to me that something else was going on. I assumed because he talked and walked before his siblings that he was a normal kid. I wanted and…
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