Autism
Happy Birthday Sawyer
Today is my son Sawyer’s ninth birthday. Which is a really big deal. Because according to him he’s basically 16. I am a storyteller. At least I consider myself one. I think our stories are what complete us. And telling stories about Sawyer are my favorite. And I write them down so one day, when I am old and grey, we will have them to look at. This is my favorite Sawyer story… We had arrived at Cooper’s school to pick him up for the day. It was Jamie, Sawyer,…
Read MoreSawyer is Turning Nine
This guy turns nine tomorrow. Which is a pretty big deal over here. We take birthdays very seriously in this household. And every time Sawyer mentions something about it, Cooper cheers and tries to convince me it’s his birthday. Nonverbally of course. I wish I could stop time sometimes. But I know I can’t. So instead I try to soak up every part of him I can. Even the part that yelled at me this morning about socks. I saw this memory on Facebook from 2 years ago today…. Sawyer…
Read MoreThe Realities of Keeping a Human Safe
I went to an event a while back, before COVID-19, to honor and celebrate special needs moms. It was one of the first times I realized how lucky I was that my son just had ‘autism.’ He isn’t medically complex. He isn’t terminal. He can run and eat, and we don’t live a chunk of our lives at Children’s Hospital. We are the lucky ones because he is happy and healthy. Story after story was told. Mother after mother. All unique. All important. One of the moms spoke about the…
Read MoreHe is Doing His Best
A while back we visited an arcade. It was a big adventure for our little family. Our middle son loves all things game. The baby loves tagging after his older brother. And Cooper, our eldest son, he is just starting to take in the world outside of our home. He loves exploring and experiencing the world on his own terms. He is eleven years old. He loves trains and postcards with animals on them. He also has autism. He is autistic. And according to some, nonspeaking. But he has so…
Read MoreHe’s the Center of this Home
When it’s just Cooper and his dad and I, the house is pretty quiet. No brothers fighting for attention. No talk of monster trucks in mud or hockey practice. No little sisters babbling and cooing. Well, I mean, Blue Mountain Mystery is usually singing from an iPad and I’m constantly saying, ‘turn it down Cooper.’ But besides that, it’s pretty quiet. You will hear an occasional laugh and giggle. A gasp. A question from me. But chatter back and forth…nope. Cooper is eleven years old. On paper his diagnosis is…
Read MoreTouch
Cooper has always communicated by touch. I like to believe it’s a nonverbal thing. His autism thing. And a Cooper thing. In my mind it’s a way to feel and show someone emotion when it’s hard to understand the words. Or facial expressions. It’s a way to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I am mad’ when the words can’t come out. It’s a way to get someone’s attention too. Listen to me. Look at me. Notice me. If Cooper really likes you, he will touch your face ever so gently.…
Read MoreI Need More Time With You
My son, Your birthday is in 8 days. You have been counting down since mid December. You love your birthday. And you love being older. So much so that you are already telling people you are 9 years old. I lovingly correct you every time, reminding you that you are still my 8 year old. I also threaten you with a potion that will keep you little forever. But you have no time for that nonsense. You want to grow up. I want time to stop. Last night you snuggled…
Read MoreTo the People Who Live Outside Our World
To people who live outside of our world: I have a favor to ask you. When you see that child screaming uncontrollably on the floor of the supermarket. Stop. Pause. And… Before you blame the parents, Before you shake your head in disgust, Before you make snide comments about lack of discipline, And most importantly, before you judge the child, Stop. And know that… You may be seeing autism at its most challenging. It’s most confusing. A child who may simply have seen, heard, or smelled something new and not…
Read MoreChoose the Light
The comment read, ‘for some autism families, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.’ I thought about that comment all last night. And when my toddler woke up at midnight for a hug, and when I nursed my baby, and then again while I drank my coffee and watched the news. I thought back to our most challenging days when there was no apparent light at the end of the tunnel. Our autistic son didn’t sleep longer than 45 minutes at a time and we started every…
Read MoreYou Can Persevere in a Life Unplanned
Once upon a time, over seven years ago, I conceived a little boy. I had an IUD. This was not the plan. That little boy was born, let’s call him Pickle. He was born quickly and without any assistance from any qualified professional. He was caught by his father, in an inflatable kiddie pool, in the master bathroom of his family’s house. This was definitely not the plan. But that was just the beginning of life unplanned… Pickles popped out to us, I held him in my arms and checked…
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