I was in a waiting room with my son, Zachary, completely unaware of my surroundings. Some days are easier than others, but on this particular day, he was smiling while playfully tugging at my hair, and I couldn’t help but smile back, my attention entirely on him.We had the appointment, and I had just gotten him in the car when I turned around to see a woman standing in front of me.She had a kind look on her face and asked me if Zachary was my son and if he…
I’ve been told countless times not to compare when it comes to my two oldest boys. Two years apart. Now 14 and 12. When the older one was born, I knew. I knew in my heart something was different. I could feel it. He never slept. His words didn’t come. The world seemed to terrify him. He never learned to play. Other kids didn’t interest him. The younger one…the opposite. He slept. He cooed and smiled. He learned to talk and play and make friends effortlessly. Don’t compare, the world…
Lately, my autistic daughter, Kya, has had a growth of independence, and if I’m being honest, I wasn’t ready for it. Not even close. But it’s something remarkable to witness. It catches me off guard in the most ordinary moments, the ones that don’t seem like much to anyone else, but to me, they’re everything. She closes the bathroom door now. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, almost forgettable, but it’s not. It’s huge. It’s privacy. It’s autonomy. She closes her bedroom door and puts herself to bed. At…
I was a very outwardly happy person. I had many friends and family members in my life. I was a homeowner, successful in my job, etc. I told everyone I was fine. I stopped sharing and talking about my life because I didn’t want anyone to know how hard it had become. I refused to ask for help. I pushed everyone away. I was a martyr. I started to believe that I didn’t deserve to be happy. I was told ‘you are so strong’. I completely lost myself. I was…
I can fully, and without a trace of shame, admit that I don’t have many friends. Making friends as an adult is hard. As a mom, it’s even harder. And as an autism mom? Multiply that by a million. I’ve learned something over the years that no one really talks about: being a caregiver makes friendship complicated. It’s not that you don’t want to be a good friend. You do. But most days, you’re just trying to survive. You’re navigating therapies, appointments, meltdowns, medications, school meetings, and the daily emotional…
My son is autistic. On paper it’s level three severe nonverbal autism. To us he’s just Cooper. He’s 14 years old and while he doesn’t verbally say much…he has more to tell me than anyone I know. He’s always making plans. A trip to Michigan City, Indiana. A ride on the Amtrak. A visit to a train depot in Duluth, Minnesota. A waterpark for his birthday. Today he got my attention and with the push of a button his AAC speech device said… Mom Cooper Trip my best friend. I…
I used to spend a lot of time thinking about words. His words. I wondered if they would ever come. I wondered what his voice would sound like. I wondered what he’d say. As the years went by, the possibility seemed to slip away. At first just out of reach. But as time went on, the wish for words seemed almost silly. I told myself we didn’t really need them anyways. I convinced myself, throwing myself into other forms of communication. But late at night, or at a park or…
This year, I set a personal goal to be bolder and braver. I want to have the courage to speak the hard truths, share what weighs on my heart, and face the reality that often goes unspoken. So, here we are, ready to dive into a difficult topic that many shy away from. This world wasn’t designed for children like mine. While there has been significant progress for those with “higher functioning” needs, children like mine frequently remain silenced and excluded from important discussions. Even in environments and programs that…
Have you ever been treated unfairly or judged because you or your family can’t attend an event because of your child’s special needs? I recently found out that someone in our life is frustrated with us because we can’t attend certain events. Not hugely important events. Nothing major. Just get togethers. I sorta laughed when I first heard the so called gossip about us. That so-in-so was mad at us because we couldn’t attend something they hosted. I almost didn’t believe it. I figured everyone in our life just knew…
If you’re happy…then I’m happy. I read that quote today. I saw it on Kate Hudson’s Instagram. When I read it I was actually hiding in the bathroom. It’s been a long couple of days and an even longer couple of months. A new book. Travel. A retreat for 260 amazing mamas. So, I was taking five minutes to myself while my daughter blew into a makeshift horn outside of the door and my son’s iPad blared some PSA about internet safety for kids. He’s been watching it for 10…
