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My second son was in 2nd grade during the heart of Covid. He was a remote learner. His classes were conducted via zoom. It didn’t go well for him. He struggled to sit and pay attention to a screen. At the end of second grade we learned that his reading and math scores were way below grade average. I was devastated. Talk about feeling like a failure as a parent. Administration said…‘don’t worry about it. All of the kids are behind.’ I worried anyway. For third grade we sent him…

‘Mom, how does Cooper dream?’ I have four kids. My two oldest are 14 and 12. Brothers. Sawyer, my 12 year old going on 17, doesn’t ask a lot of questions about autism anymore. He doesn’t need too. He understands his older brother. He’s learned alongside all of us from the beginning. He knows how to listen with more than his ears. He understands grunts and points and that flapping of the hands means happy. He knows covering ears means excitement. And that his older brother needs help sometimes. He…

When I was in college I took a psychology course. I’ll admit I don’t remember much. But one lesson on social norms stands out to me. Our professor asked us to stand backwards in an elevator. He advised us to walk in, push the button, and face the wrong way. He explained that doing things differently than they are ‘supposed’ to be done makes people uncomfortable. I’ll tell you this: One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a mom to a child with autism is how to be comfortable…

It’s so loud that the pain is ringing in my ears,But I cannot tell you why I am stuck behind these tears,The light is so bright it’s overwhelming every part of me,The last time we came here they had two benches not three. The smells are different and I don’t know why,I need a minute to lie down now and look at the sky,My zipper feels funny and my socks are on wrong,I’m trying my best to remember that one Moana song. The shoes scuffing on the pavement make my…

I was in a waiting room with my son, Zachary, completely unaware of my surroundings. Some days are easier than others, but on this particular day, he was smiling while playfully tugging at my hair, and I couldn’t help but smile back, my attention entirely on him.We had the appointment, and I had just gotten him in the car when I turned around to see a woman standing in front of me.She had a kind look on her face and asked me if Zachary was my son and if he…

I’ve been told countless times not to compare when it comes to my two oldest boys. Two years apart. Now 14 and 12. When the older one was born, I knew. I knew in my heart something was different. I could feel it. He never slept. His words didn’t come. The world seemed to terrify him. He never learned to play. Other kids didn’t interest him. The younger one…the opposite. He slept. He cooed and smiled. He learned to talk and play and make friends effortlessly. Don’t compare, the world…

I was a very outwardly happy person. I had many friends and family members in my life. I was a homeowner, successful in my job, etc. I told everyone I was fine. I stopped sharing and talking about my life because I didn’t want anyone to know how hard it had become. I refused to ask for help. I pushed everyone away. I was a martyr. I started to believe that I didn’t deserve to be happy. I was told ‘you are so strong’. I completely lost myself. I was…

My son is autistic. On paper it’s level three severe nonverbal autism. To us he’s just Cooper. He’s 14 years old and while he doesn’t verbally say much…he has more to tell me than anyone I know. He’s always making plans. A trip to Michigan City, Indiana. A ride on the Amtrak. A visit to a train depot in Duluth, Minnesota. A waterpark for his birthday. Today he got my attention and with the push of a button his AAC speech device said… Mom Cooper Trip my best friend. I…