When Cooper was little and his quirks were just starting to show I silently blamed myself. I’d tell people I didn’t but I really did. I never believed the whole autism and vaccination correlation. Cooper was different since the day he was born. Deep down I knew right away. At that time I silently doubted everything I had done while pregnant. Maybe I ate the wrong things. For a hot minute I thought maybe I used too much bug spray or even used to much hand sanitizer. And then when…
Read MoreI have been working on this TEFRA paperwork for the last couple of days and there are a few questions that just suck. I am so sick of answering stuff like this. Describe how your child’s challenges affect your child and family. I read it and then reread it. The box for the answer could hold 4 sentences tops. What can I put in this freaking box that will make it make sense. And who is going to be reading this? Does the person know what it’s like to raise…
Read MorePrior to Cooper, and even up until a few months ago, I had very specific thoughts about autism. I am pretty sure I was using information from TV shows or from conversations with other people. I assumed all autistic kids had repetitive behaviors. That they all lined things up or spent time spinning wheels or pinwheels or anything round. I also assumed they were very highly intelligent. I also pictured a lot of self soothing or stimming. Most specifically, a lot of rocking back and forth. And I always thought…
Read MoreI typically avoid all situations where I will get sad about Cooper’s differences. At this stage in the process it’s a must for this mama. This typically includes any events or activities where there will be kids that I know that are Cooper’s age. Quitting ECFE and a local Mommy and Me group were two of the best decisions I ever made. My heart just couldn’t take it. So I was surprised yesterday when I almost broke down at Starbucks. I was at work and at 2 pm I realized that…
Read MoreI spend a lot of time trying to decipher between what’s normal boy behavior, what’s normal 3 year old behavior and what’s autism. I sorta have this need to know that their are different parts. Trust me, I get that it all runs together but for my own mental state, I tell myself that he isn’t just autistic. There are other parts. But as he gets closer to 4 it’s getting harder to decipher. I am so sick of everything being so dang hard. I just want to be carefree…
Read MoreMorning all, I had to share this. Kristi Rieger Campbell reading “What it Means to be a Special Needs Mom.” This is the BEST description I have ever heard about what I feel. Get ready to cry. Thank you Kristi for sharing your feelings. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phUwXFcnaL0?feature=player_detailpage&w=640&h=360]
Read MoreI made an appointment at Fraser, an Autism clinic a little over 4 months ago. It is the best place in the state of Minnesota for diagnosing Autism. When I made the appointment I thought maybe we would never really have to go. I thought maybe the quirks and rigidity would start to get better. Honestly, I made the appointment because I felt pressure from other people to do it. The appointment was 4 hours long and scheduled for July 15th. Before the appointment I completed a book of paperwork as well…
Read MoreI’ve noticed that when I get sad about something Cooper related I will miss things. Subtle improvements. I feel like my Cooper emotions are on a cycle. Something will make me sad, I’ll be down for a few days and then one of the boys will remind me how great they are and I’ll dig out. It’s a god damn roller coaster. And yes, my sads are less sad than they used to be. That sounds funny but it’s true. I’m getting stronger and life is going on and it…
Read MoreOne of the first things I bought Cooper was a pair of sweatpants from the Gap. I bought them on clearance when I was pregnant with him right after I found out I was having a boy. They are actually a 4T. When I found them I fell in love with them instantly and had to buy them. I never, in my life, thought he would be big enough to wear them. Sure as shit, I dug out the bin of 4T clothes this weekend. I just pulled them out of the dryer…
Read MoreIt happened again this weekend. The frantic sweating. And I know every single mom out there with a kiddo like Cooper can relate. Cooper and I spent a lot of time at the beach this past weekend. When we first got there I noticed another mom who looked a lot like me. My age, blonde, 3 young boys, camping. She was me. If I had to guess I would say her boys were probably ages 7, 4 and 2. I am a super observant person and I watched this mom a lot. First,…
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